Thursday, October 19, 2006

The Language of Love

I don't know how often a guy will ask himself "Is this woman in love with me?" but I had the occasion to comment on a few similar issues in the last coupla days. How do you know a woman is in love with you, meaning you, the man himself stripped bare without the wallet, the plummy job, the great car and the lovely apartment with attached jacuzzi?

This is my 2 cents on what wimmen say, and what wimmen mean.

"You are SOOOOO BIG"
Means: You have a large penis. I love your penis. You just happen to be attached to it, so I'll take the good with the bad. If modern science made it possible for the good to survive without the bad, then my relationship with your penis will evolve to a new level, and your relationship with your penis will come to an end.

"Can I come over to your house and sayang you" (at 3 am a few days after the first 2 dates)
Means: I have completed my investigations and have concluded that you are financially secure. I want to move in with you in about a week's time - please make space in your cupboards for all my stuff. Maybe this weekend we can get married.

"I loves you" (after a hot and heavy, but brief, relationship)
Means: I have checks your wallet and I loves you.

"You have a great car"
Means: You have a great car.

"Can you give me your business class ticket in exchange for my economy class ticket, then pay for my shopping trip in New York?"
Last one to the cash register is a selfish bastard!
What's mine is mine, and what's yours is ours.
I've found a rich guy and would like to quit my job now, thanks.
The blow job I gave you last night will cost you far more than you will ever imagine.
I'm going to show you how to make 2 years' salary last a lifetime. See that 15-carat diamond over there?


At 5:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow, where do i sign up for classes in "how to fleece a man" taught by these wimmin?

ive never as much as gotten a dime before, so i am in urgent need of those classes!

At 7:14 PM, Blogger Fore! said...

I once had to advise a friend who had repeatedly gotten into the same kind of trouble that:

1) When a woman says "No" to you, she means "No";

2) When a woman says "Maybe" to you, she doesn't know you well enough but when she does, she will really mean "No"; and,

3) When a woman says "Yes" to you, she's out of her freaking mind!!! Run dude, run!!!

At 7:17 PM, Blogger knobby said...

Pore Mercer. Pore, pore Mercer.

At 9:26 AM, Anonymous dp said...

Good for Winmen and too bad for the man in qn if he didn't take th cues or good tips from his love/r/ship guru friend here...;)

Know what? I suggest the man in question to hand over a cheque book to Winmen!!! Saves him time and a fast track to his designation- poverty!!!

What a sucker (read stupid)- him for winmen &

Winmen as a blood sucker to him!!!

At 12:34 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

To Anonymous: I used to be completely clueless, then I met a Master of the art and she took me under her wing. See upcoming post for guidance.

At 2:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn good! Too true! Damn well written, and very dry and funny!

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