Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Our Worlds Collide! Again!

Ran into the classroom 10 minutes late for the Photoshop class and I really thought that door had a little bit more give to it. So basically I fell into the Photoshop class. And came face to face with the poor man I had interrogated during my Basic class. One of the teachers from the Basic Photography class is the Photoshop class teacher. Oh shit.

I am constantly reminded, and reminding myself, during each and every one of these classes that THERE IS A REASON WHY THESE PEOPLE ARE PHOTOGRAPHERS. Besides their natural talent, I mean. They are not great orators. They talk like ... ... ... for want of a better term, an engineer trained in accounting.

Everything is stated matter of factly, calmly, politely. Fine. But there's this flow that they have. Like everything that has to be said, will be said. Eventually. I'll get to the point sometime this century, and if you'd just be a little bit patient and stop interrupting me, missy, I'll get to it before America's Next Top Model starts at 10 pm. Don't worry, you'll only miss the first 10 minutes.

I remember this teacher well because he started off with the spiel about how in the good ole days when we had the film cameras, we used to yadda yadda yadda. It's all well and fine (and actually quite relevant) when we're discussing camera parts in the Basic class. But it does start to come off a little bit off the cuff, doncha think, if we're in THE PHOTOSHOP CLASS. He also showed us his beautiful to die for shots of wild flowers and grass in his "Painting with Photography" series, which always sets off the inevitable stream of questions from the uninitiated, together with his stream of engineer-accountant-cryptic responses.

How did you do that? What kind of lighting did you use and where did you put it?

I used a small torchlight. (at this point, he takes out a little penlight and shines it at us)

Where did you put the torchlight and how did you achieve all-round lighting like that and did you use a tripod what is the shutterspeed and lens aperture?

You shine the torchlight behind the leaf.

At this point, I sent a text message ("Somebody kill me now") to The Husband.

I previously asked him about 20 similar questions before I got the answer: It puts the wildflowers in the basket (or it gets the hose, ha ha ha) then it sets the camera on 60 seconds exposure, F22, tripod, ISO 100 and then puts out the light and cavorts around the room in a black tee shirt shining the torchlight on the wildflower until every aspect of the flower is picked up by the camera. Try not to cavort too quickly or the wildflower moves with the air and the image is blurred. And don't shine the light on yourself, dumbass.

It took almost 10 minutes of questions to elicit that information after which everyone looked slightly fidgety/ bored and my face was all red.

After tonight's lecture drew painfully to a close (it was like moving underwater), he said "Any questions" and my hand flew up. What the heck. We only live once. I might as well ask him all my stupid questions now. So I asked my one single most important burning question, which has plagued me for the entire year I've been taking classes and which nobody has been able to give me a satisfactory answer. And then I made him sit with me at my laptop and show me all the commands and functions, until I GOT IT RIGHT. Damn straight. Now I just need to practise and I'll be fucking unstoppable.


At 2:43 AM, Blogger knobby said...

What was the single most important burning question?


At 2:50 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

Actually I had a problem prioritizing them - there were just so many questions.

1. Will you be my wife?
2. Does Photoshop have one 't' or two?
3. If a tree falls in the forest and there's no one to take a photo of it, is there a forest?
4. (and the biggest question of all) if you're in the bathroom and your client calls on the mobile, do you answer?

At 12:45 AM, Blogger gremlin said...

"even if they paid me a billion dollars, I will neber teach another lawyer again" is wat I expect to hear him say soon. so now you'll hafta teach the rest of us, mdm sneaky.

At 2:58 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

Gremlin - you seem to have him confused with your renovations contractor.

At 1:35 AM, Blogger gremlin said...

you're turning everyone else into my renovation contractor, sneakeroos, in my absence. i'm doing my job here in hongcouver and you're....steppin' into my shoes o'er there in slingpore.

At 4:01 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

nike free, kate spade handbags, nike air max, michael kors outlet, christian louboutin, coach purses, oakley vault, tiffany and co jewelry, christian louboutin outlet, cheap oakley sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, coach outlet store online, tory burch outlet, louis vuitton outlet online, louis vuitton outlet, coach outlet, louis vuitton outlet, jordan shoes, chanel handbags, louis vuitton, kate spade outlet online, louis vuitton handbags, polo ralph lauren outlet, burberry outlet online, red bottom shoes, true religion outlet, longchamp handbags, ray ban outlet, true religion, prada outlet, michael kors outlet online, tiffany jewelry, gucci handbags, polo ralph lauren, michael kors outlet online, oakley sunglasses, christian louboutin shoes, michael kors outlet store, michael kors outlet online, nike air max, longchamp outlet, nike shoes, longchamp outlet online, prada handbags, michael kors outlet online, coach outlet, burberry outlet online

At 4:13 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

longchamp pas cher, chaussure louboutin, longchamp, nike air force, nike free, hollister, sac michael kors, vans pas cher, nike air max, nike air max, converse pas cher, abercrombie and fitch, lacoste pas cher, nike blazer pas cher, new balance pas cher, louis vuitton, louis vuitton pas cher, oakley pas cher, ralph lauren, air jordan, lululemon, mulberry, timberland, guess pas cher, burberry pas cher, louis vuitton uk, sac vanessa bruno, true religion outlet, michael kors uk, nike roshe, nike free pas cher, barbour, ray ban uk, nike roshe run, hollister, air max pas cher, tn pas cher, ray ban pas cher, north face, air max, sac louis vuitton, scarpe hogan, hermes pas cher, true religion jeans, michael kors canada, ralph lauren pas cher, north face pas cher

At 4:17 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

north face jackets, birkin bag, ugg soldes, p90x workout, ferragamo shoes, mac cosmetics, marc jacobs outlet, nike huarache, bottega veneta, babyliss pro, ghd, north face outlet, mcm handbags, herve leger, uggs outlet, canada goose outlet, insanity workout, giuseppe zanotti, soccer jerseys, rolex watches, jimmy choo shoes, canada goose outlet, celine handbags, mont blanc pens, ugg, beats headphones, ugg boots, chi flat iron, uggs on sale, canada goose, soccer shoes, wedding dresses, asics shoes, hollister, valentino shoes, reebok shoes, longchamp, lululemon outlet, ugg outlet, new balance outlet, abercrombie and fitch, nfl jerseys, vans outlet, roshe run, canada goose outlet, nike trainers, instyler ionic styler

At 4:22 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

air max, juicy couture outlet, louboutin, canada goose, wedding dress, louis vuitton canada, canada goose, ralph lauren, uggs canada, moncler outlet, thomas sabo uk, replica watches, parajumpers outlet, gucci, pandora jewelry, converse shoes, hollister clothing, nike air max, swarovski jewelry, converse, karen millen, montre femme, coach outlet, swarovski uk, timberland shoes, moncler, moncler, hollister, supra shoes, pandora charms, ray ban, links of london uk, oakley, juicy couture outlet, moncler, lancel, canada goose uk, toms outlet, baseball bats, pandora uk, iphone 6 case, vans, ugg, moncler, canada goose pas cher, hollister canada, moncler, moncler

At 9:35 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

louis vuitton, oakley sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, tory burch outlet, ray ban sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, ugg boots, longchamp outlet, burberry, louboutin shoes, ray ban sunglasses, prada handbags, louis vuitton outlet, gucci outlet, louis vuitton, chanel handbags, longchamp, michael kors outlet, louboutin outlet, nike free, ugg boots, polo ralph lauren outlet, oakley sunglasses, nike air max, replica watches, christian louboutin outlet, michael kors outlet, longchamp outlet, tiffany jewelry, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet, louis vuitton outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, kate spade outlet, prada outlet, nike outlet, ray ban sunglasses, michael kors outlet, uggs on sale, louboutin, tiffany and co, louis vuitton, burberry outlet online, nike air max, jordan shoes, ugg boots, cheap oakley sunglasses

At 9:38 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

ray ban pas cher, kate spade handbags, nike roshe, vans pas cher, lacoste pas cher, nike roshe run, abercrombie and fitch, true religion jeans, timberland, nike air max, coach factory outlet, true religion outlet, burberry, michael kors, coach purses, vanessa bruno, michael kors, converse pas cher, hollister pas cher, nike blazer, michael kors, oakley pas cher, tn pas cher, ray ban uk, mulberry, louboutin pas cher, hogan, ralph lauren uk, michael kors, coach outlet, sac guess, new balance pas cher, air force, nike free, lululemon, ralph lauren pas cher, coach outlet, north face, hermes, nike air max, true religion jeans, nike air max, sac longchamp, hollister, true religion jeans, north face, longchamp pas cher, air max, air jordan pas cher, nike free run uk

At 9:40 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

louboutin, birkin bag, hollister, longchamp, ghd, insanity workout, nike roshe, beats by dre, hollister, oakley, nike air max, jimmy choo shoes, celine handbags, hollister, asics running shoes, gucci, giuseppe zanotti, vans, wedding dresses, timberland boots, mont blanc, north face outlet, valentino shoes, bottega veneta, soccer jerseys, mcm handbags, chi flat iron, lululemon, ray ban, abercrombie and fitch, new balance, ralph lauren, mac cosmetics, north face outlet, iphone 6 cases, nike air max, instyler, babyliss, herve leger, baseball bats, nfl jerseys, ferragamo shoes, nike trainers, reebok shoes, nike huarache, converse outlet, p90x workout, converse, vans shoes, soccer shoes

At 9:45 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

toms shoes, moncler, pandora charms, pandora jewelry, michael kors handbags, barbour, replica watches, moncler, doudoune canada goose, pandora charms, wedding dresses, doke gabbana outlet, canada goose, louis vuitton, bottes ugg, barbour jackets, louis vuitton, karen millen, michael kors outlet, marc jacobs, pandora jewelry, moncler, louis vuitton, supra shoes, juicy couture outlet, montre pas cher, moncler, canada goose outlet, ugg pas cher, swarovski crystal, links of london, juicy couture outlet, moncler outlet, moncler, canada goose, canada goose uk, louis vuitton, lancel, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, canada goose outlet, canada goose, michael kors outlet online, hollister, moncler, moncler, ugg boots uk, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, thomas sabo, canada goose, swarovski, sac louis vuitton pas cher, coach outlet

At 11:42 AM, Blogger raybanoutlet001 said...

jordan shoes
ugg outlet
rolex watches
bengals jersey
polo ralph lauren
cheap ray ban sunglasses
true religion outlet
oakley sunglasses
ugg boots
louboutin shoes


Post a Comment

<< Home