Friday, March 02, 2007

Nothing Matters

Every now and then I am reminded of how little anything really matters. Got my latest reminder when we shifted 3 sets of ashes from the Mt Vernon Crematorium to the Mandai one and we were all forced to confront and repack the 25-year old ashes of my Grandfather, the 22-year old ashes of my Grandmother and the 8-year old ashes of my Fourth Aunt. Why repack? Crematorium regulations. Never mind that the urns are all built to last forever. According to regulations, you have to change urns when you relocate (add S$800 for the cost of new urns). To add insult to injury, we had the crematorium representative reminding us the whole time how it could be dangerous to inhale too closely to the long-settled dust of your relative "as there may be germs". Thanks, crematorium guy.

There was an hour's wait for the new niches to be put up, which I spent walking all over the place looking at other people's niches. What a lot of dead guys from 18 - 25 we have. Somehow women manage to navigate the tumultous period between 18 - 25 much more successfully.

So it comes to this - whatever we do, whatever we feel and think throughout our lives, nothing matters because we are just another face in another niche in another crematorium, staring ahead and waiting to be forgotten as our nearest and dearest pass on too.

I should be hoping but I can't stop thinking
of all the things I should've said that I never said
All the things I should've done but we never did
All the things I should've given but I didn't
(Kate Bush)

So what? It doesn't matter.

21 Comments:

At 7:12 AM, Blogger The UnCensored Mama said...

Nothing matters - that's absolutely right!

It is something I tell myself on days like today when I'm exhausted and very stressed.

2 speeding tickets in one week?? Nothing matters!!!!

Ohmmmmmmm...

 
At 9:36 PM, Blogger dr.lowem said...

Yeah, that's why i prefer a sea burial for myself. me thinks i should have it as a mandatory rule to have a sea burial in my will or something.

What's the use of keeping ashes when space is a problem in singabore and conservation of yet another wastage of making an URN and a niche for that urn. eh?

memories are the best keeps of loved one, and that's about it actually... or maybe a balloon filled with the breath of a loved one... (weird, but i think i watched it from a telly series...). Creepy, but seriously... if i had that balloon, i'll try my best to keep it inflated.

:S

.d

 
At 1:10 AM, Blogger valkyrie said...

this is just what i need to keep my sanity right now. :) thanks smootie!

 
At 4:01 PM, Blogger knobby said...

Very melancholy. You ok?

 
At 11:47 PM, Blogger palmist said...

Thank you for the reminder that in teh grand scheme of things we really don't matter too much. Help me not take myself so seriously.

However I must say that we are wired to feel joy and pain. In a way driven by these feelings towards survival and actualization. If all we did was meaninless at we can make ourselves and other feel better :)

 
At 4:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Smootie, this strikes a deep chord as there's a stage in my life I thought this way and it led to depression. I thought why bother anything at all since all will come to naught eventually?

To me the answer is in the present. Of ALL that we can get out of NOW.

As for what's left behind, it's what we pass on to our children, if I think in terms of that, then yes things do matter. Cos I love to see my enthusiasm for life live on in my child, then his children.

oops, am I spoiling the melancholic mood here ? Soli!

I enjoy your blog.

Earthtone

 
At 1:36 AM, Anonymous kwonghou said...

well it really doesn't, so do what you enjoy and not what you should.

 
At 2:22 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

THanks for all your comments. Was feeling glum. Better now.

 
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