Nothing Matters

Every now and then I am reminded of how little anything really matters. Got my latest reminder when we shifted 3 sets of ashes from the Mt Vernon Crematorium to the Mandai one and we were all forced to confront and repack the 25-year old ashes of my Grandfather, the 22-year old ashes of my Grandmother and the 8-year old ashes of my Fourth Aunt. Why repack? Crematorium regulations. Never mind that the urns are all built to last forever. According to regulations, you have to change urns when you relocate (add S$800 for the cost of new urns). To add insult to injury, we had the crematorium representative reminding us the whole time how it could be dangerous to inhale too closely to the long-settled dust of your relative "as there may be germs". Thanks, crematorium guy.

There was an hour's wait for the new niches to be put up, which I spent walking all over the place looking at other people's niches. What a lot of dead guys from 18 - 25 we have. Somehow women manage to navigate the tumultous period between 18 - 25 much more successfully.

So it comes to this - whatever we do, whatever we feel and think throughout our lives, nothing matters because we are just another face in another niche in another crematorium, staring ahead and waiting to be forgotten as our nearest and dearest pass on too.

I should be hoping but I can't stop thinking
of all the things I should've said that I never said
All the things I should've done but we never did
All the things I should've given but I didn't
(Kate Bush)

So what? It doesn't matter.