My Karma Ran Over Your Dogma

Maybe it would be a humane thing to sterilise women who wanted to become lawyers. After all, even if you set aside enough time to fertilise the egg, you're not going to have much time for the stuff that happens afterwards. You'll feel a lot better about yourself if you didn't have to bother with all that.

Like maternity leave. Or resting after you've given birth. God knows I was lying awake thinking about my file list (not done! how will they cope when I'm gone!). Or having time to spend with your toddler, that is not also shared with your blackberry and people on a conference call. I was blowing bubbles yesterday evening for all of 5 minutes and got interrupted twice.

What I'd really like to do is hold my son and be in the present. Not with my mind frantically going through the events and emails of the day and wondering if there's something that I forgot to do. I want to enjoy him whilst he is still a baby. As it is, I can barely remember most of the first year of his life, and what he looked like when he was just born.

Seriously. I'd like to go home and give him some quality time and attention (for 2 hours) without constantly thinking that I should be sitting at the computer working on a document or some advice. I'd like him to remember me as not preoccupied with something other than him. And I would like to be present for his birthday this year instead of sitting on a plane by myself. This is not the life I wanted for myself or for my son. This is a Goddamned living hell.