Thursday, January 11, 2007

Clearance Sale

The siew yoke platter at Crystal Jade Kitchen is the yummiest. You could talk to me about any number of unpleasant things and so long as I'm chewing on the little cubes of roast pork I'm like uh huh. uh huh. yeah, okay.

A friend and I sat down to lunch yesterday and as I chewed down on the crunchy roast pork skin, she asked me if I could set up a certain Mr D with anyone. I waited till I'd swallowed the little pork cube, then said no. Then picked up the next piece and said I'd think about it.

People who are in the dating market should have CVs. This would avoid a massive amount of confusion and misunderstanding. And CVs should come with executive summaries, just bullet points, so that all the essential items are set out on the first page.

For a certain Mr D, the executive summary would read:

1. Good income-earning prospects, excellent educational qualifications
2. Is looking to settle down and get married
3. Still quite young and has all his own hair and teeth
4. Below average in appearance; will not even consider plastic surgery
5. Cannot be trusted to show up for a date by himself (brings friend)
6. Needs to meet a girl who (i) is able to start and maintain conversations; and (ii) wants to have a conversation with him.
7. Quite possibly still a virgin.

I don't know. I think item 4 might be the deal-killer here, but have put all the good points first, so maybe that balances it out. Couldn't decide if item 7 was a deal-maker or a deal-breaker. Anyway.

Any interest? Available while stocks last!

PS. Gremlin, it's not F.O. Eggbert if that's what you are wondering.
PS2. It's not Ian
PS3. It's not Bachelor No. 3 from the previous group.
PS4. It's not my brother.
PS5. It's not your brother.
PS6. It's unlikely that you've gone out with him before.

31 Comments:

At 10:01 PM, Blogger Indiana said...

Smoot you are becoming the dating centre of the Singapore blog world...with you at the helm and all your connections we'll all be married off by summer. ~grin~

And my list would have continued past 4...but I am not saying how far ~bigger grin~

 
At 11:12 PM, Blogger valkyrie said...

hahaha! where have all the clamouring girls from your other entries gone?

 
At 11:55 PM, Blogger Little Miss Drinkalot said...

Sounds like something from the "defects" pile. I can possibly handle no. 4 but not no. 5 or no. 6!!!

 
At 9:57 AM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

Indiana: What's 4? Your executive summary list and/or the number of women who, uh, know you very well?

Val: Now that my siew yoke euphoria has worn off, I am starting to think there will be no interest.

 
At 10:01 AM, Blogger PC said...

Smoot

Howze about makan with MM and E@L post CNY? Just so we can dispel the notion that PC is the figment of someone's (big) imagination.. :o)

 
At 12:20 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

LMD: What about no. 7? Handle-able?

PC: Makan sounds great! I heard you guys went to some kickass seafood place the last time. Let's!

 
At 2:11 PM, Blogger gremlin said...

he's most def a virgin. unless that time over lunch with the st....? nah. coulda fooled me. bringing a friend is a deal breaker for me.

 
At 3:32 PM, Blogger Indiana said...

LOL...4 women, that would give me a roster and make me a playa...ohhh I aspire to be so confident around women ~grin~

 
At 4:49 PM, Blogger dr.lowem said...

hehehehe... i forwarded my friend this post... hope she's interested after reading it... but me thinks no.7 might kill Mr.D's chances...! :P

 
At 12:24 PM, Blogger Little Miss Drinkalot said...

Come to think of it, no.

 
At 10:44 PM, Anonymous kwonghou said...

oh, why is the title "Clearance Sale"? like "lay long lay long" like that. tsk, not very appealing leh...

 
At 5:24 PM, Blogger knobby said...

Gah! 4, 5, 6, 7... I hope the poor dope doesn't know what kind of executive summary his headhunter has composed for him.

 
At 6:27 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

No, he is blissfully unaware of the hard sell.

It's akin to selling a good product that is not immediately appealing to the mass audience. It's not appropriate to oversell, otherwise the next thing you know, the product has been rejected and is en-route back to you in used condition.

 
At 2:39 PM, Anonymous midnight shakes the madness said...

the poor man! *LOLOL*

maybe if you threw in some freebies... ^_~

 
At 3:10 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

He is a freebie.

 
At 3:15 AM, Anonymous midnight shakes the madness said...

oh dear... *laughing*

 
At 11:10 AM, Anonymous ying said...

Me thinks the guy would LIKE to be in a used condition, returned or otherwise. :P

 
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