Clearance Sale

The siew yoke platter at Crystal Jade Kitchen is the yummiest. You could talk to me about any number of unpleasant things and so long as I'm chewing on the little cubes of roast pork I'm like uh huh. uh huh. yeah, okay.

A friend and I sat down to lunch yesterday and as I chewed down on the crunchy roast pork skin, she asked me if I could set up a certain Mr D with anyone. I waited till I'd swallowed the little pork cube, then said no. Then picked up the next piece and said I'd think about it.

People who are in the dating market should have CVs. This would avoid a massive amount of confusion and misunderstanding. And CVs should come with executive summaries, just bullet points, so that all the essential items are set out on the first page.

For a certain Mr D, the executive summary would read:

1. Good income-earning prospects, excellent educational qualifications
2. Is looking to settle down and get married
3. Still quite young and has all his own hair and teeth
4. Below average in appearance; will not even consider plastic surgery
5. Cannot be trusted to show up for a date by himself (brings friend)
6. Needs to meet a girl who (i) is able to start and maintain conversations; and (ii) wants to have a conversation with him.
7. Quite possibly still a virgin.

I don't know. I think item 4 might be the deal-killer here, but have put all the good points first, so maybe that balances it out. Couldn't decide if item 7 was a deal-maker or a deal-breaker. Anyway.

Any interest? Available while stocks last!

PS. Gremlin, it's not F.O. Eggbert if that's what you are wondering.
PS2. It's not Ian
PS3. It's not Bachelor No. 3 from the previous group.
PS4. It's not my brother.
PS5. It's not your brother.
PS6. It's unlikely that you've gone out with him before.