Local Boy Finally Potty-Trained By Army

Now that The Son has reached the ripe old age of 1.75 years, we've started getting tentative enquiries as to his potty-training and nursery school enrollment.

"Nil", I merrily reply. I've not potty-trained him, nor have I attempted to enroll him in anything more challenging than those toy rides you see in shopping centres where you put a dollar coin in the slot for 3 minutes of fun. The Husband and I have been making jokes about how he might still be sleeping in our bed between the 2 of us when he is old enough to date. "Son, I don't know how to tell you this, but since you got married last week it might be a good time for you to get your own bed."

Those jokes were funny, like, months ago. Now 50% less funny. Especially since my mother has taken it upon herself to buy him a potty and now we have to try and persuade him to use it. How the hell am I going to do that? I'm never around when he shits! Except on the weekends, but we're usually away from home. I am not toting that potty around the shopping centres of Singapore. No freaking way.

Yeah, I'm gonna print this out and keep it. When he's 18 and doing his National Service and I get a letter from his drill sergeant asking why my son is still wearing Drypers (Size XXXXXXXXXXL), I'll just attach this as my response. Hopefully the drill sergeant will get the hint and also take the liberty to wean him off the pacifiers.

I mean, seriously. I don't know how other people handle this. There's only 3 hours tops from when I get home from work to the time he falls asleep. How do I teach him to speak, read, write, shit, pee, not use a pacifier and everything else during that time? Most of which is spent watching High Five or (recent development - we are holding our breaths) Bob the Builder. Maybe we can build this into the dialogue. Look Son! Bob has no nuk! Bob has no diaper! Bob is GOOD!

I asked my potty-purchasing mom how she trained the lot of us. She said she didn't. Somehow my (then unmarried alleged virgin) aunt and then a succession of maids managed to do the job so unintrusively that she cannot remember when it all happened. I should've suspected this when she tried to change The Son's diaper and it fell off after he stood up.