Me and My Carcinogenic Night Light

There's lots of talk about the health hazards associated with working late and sleeping late, but I've recently come across a guaranteed best-seller. Spoke at a seminar not too long ago about something or other, and was chatting with a fellow speaker after I was through. She was a doctor AND a lawyer (obviously an older lady). Asked me why I looked a little peaked. Have been up since 3 am, I told her. Paperwork is a bitch.

I thought she'd give me the standard reply - you should sleep more, eat properly, yadda yadda. But no. What did she say? You will get cancer. Yep. Cancer.

I'm sorry, what?

Yes. Do you know that if you do not sleep in complete darkness for at least 6 hours, your cell renewal is interrupted and cancer cells are formed?

[Because she was both a lawyer and a doctor, I took to heart the last part of her sentence. "Are formed." Not "could be formed" or "may be formed". "Are formed" is a bloody certainty]

So what happens if I fall asleep with the light on? I said, sipping on my (also) potentially carcinogenic coffee.

Oh. Then your body will form cancer cells lor.

So what happens if some light from the street comes into my bedroom at night?

Cancer cells will still form. You have to sleep in complete darkness! She smiled blithely. I thought I must be asleep and having a nightmare.

I mean, seriously. I do not have blackout curtains. I read before I sleep. Sometimes I don't sleep because I'm sitting in front of a computer. Not only is that going to have the standard effects on my body and complexion - it could also give me cancer??????!!!!!!! Am I literally killing myself, just living day by day? Worse still, when I read a book before I sleep at night, am I giving The Sleeping Husband and The Sleeping Son cancer as well??????

Ok! I have to go! she said, beaming. I wanted to kill her.