The Champions Are All Here

Morning rush hour traffic is always a challenge, even for a front row passenger who is applying makeup. You can't help noticing all the champions of the road, who switch lanes while turning, or try to save a little bit of battery power by not using their indicators for any occasion. Or the motorcyclists who behave like kings of the road and weave between lanes and cut in front of cars on the expressway like they're immortal.

Although some people may not agree, I find that one of the few ways to completely disregard the champions of the road is to sit in a taxi. You won't notice the horrible driving of other vehicles because you're in the car of a true champion. He's the one driving all the other motorists insane. And most of the time, the well chosen hand signals from other motorists used to indicate their displeasure and concern go unnoticed because, well, their cars have been left behind with the cab's exhaust fumes.

Today however I watched with some discomfort as my cab driver attempted vehicular homicide of a motorcyclist. It was the old "switch lanes anytime anyhow" trick. Unfortunately, there was a motorcyclist going at full speed behind him who had to brake and swerve to save his own wretched life. If he had a passenger on the bike, then I'd probably have had to get another cab home, since the passenger would've probably merged with the back window of the cab as they tried to occupy the same airspace at the same time.

I think the motorcyclist must've been quite upset, since he took the time and effort to slam his fist into the front window of the cab and then gave the cab driver a gesture of appreciation that I can only describe as The Finger. The cabbie roared "FUCKEW", mostly at me, since the windows were all up, and then returned the gesture but the motorcyclist had already sped off.

The rest of the cab ride was spent with me nodding and listening as the cab driver went on at some length about how expatriates (such as the motorcyclist) were taking over Singapore and treating the rest of us like dirt and how they have no manners and can't be expected to run our big companies and what is the world coming to when a man can't earn an honest living without being abused. But mostly my ears hurt from the "FUCKEW". I mean, it's been a while since I went to a disco and came out temporarily deaf but I'm almost completely certain that my ears should've stopped bleeding by now. And don't try to make me think I'm deaf by mouthing words while pretending to talk to me - the husband tried it all evening till he was red in the face but I'm not falling for that. No sirree.