I'm not cut out for working from home. Away from the constant mental stimulation of the office and all my stationery, I am bereft, isolated and depressed. But the house arrest orders have been extended and here I stay.
The dietary restrictions have also been extended and clarified (who knew that cranberries in Singapore have sugar added to them??) and I have done my level best to educate those members of my family who bring me food out of the kindness of their heart but my mother probably needs a little bit more explaining time.
I cannot eat carbs or sugary foods, I tell her. I will go into premature labour.
Ok, says she. Here are 2 boxes of durians (very expensive you know. You better finish!) and a slice of home-made cheesecake. You better try, otherwise Melvin (long-suffering housekeeper) will be upset. Do you want some mangoes? From the market. They are very sweet. Are you eating at my house for dinner? We have seafood pasta.
Now everything in the fridge smells of durian. According to The Husband, so does the stuff in the freezer. In fact, my durian is making our neighbour cough and sneeze. If I were at all concerned about public health and safety, I should bring the durian downstairs and eat it by the pool, late at night, when there's no one around.
In other news, I received the amazing gift of a 3D ultrasound from Expat@Large yesterday, for which we are deeply, profoundly grateful. The images are AMAZING. He captured an eye moving and a smile!!! A SMILE!!!! Babies smile in the womb!!! Oh my God!!
He also captured a great shot of the baby grabbing and squeezing her umbilical cord like her brother grabs and squeezes his ... Play-Doh. Not a well advised move. Just as I was commenting on exactly how ill advised it is to abuse something you depend entirely upon for your continued existence, I saw her smooshing the placenta with her forehead. The placenta. That's great. Then when I thought she couldn't do anything worse, she puts the umbilical cord in her mouth and starts gnawing on it. Now there's a prime candidate for premature delivery.
Her brother was so calm and collected during his 36.5 week stay. The most he ever did was hiccup and give me Braxton-Hicks contractions during American Idol. Her hiccups are twice the frequency of his, and she manages to flip and flop around in there like 2 puppies fighting. I'm almost completely certain that she has also managed to get hold of a sharp instrument that she's using to stab my kidneys with. 2 days ago, my belly-button, which inverted itself very early in the pregnancy, suddenly extruded another 1.5 centimetres because of a small unknown bony appendage (knee? elbow? big toe?) that had found its way just under it. I almost fainted. It's just a thin layer of skin there with no muscle underneath. If she pushes any harder, she could be the first baby to perform her own Caesarean.