I don't think they know what a monkey is.

So my mother, in her continuing effort to own every piece of furniture on the planet, decided to buy a second dining table the other day because she found a little bit of extra space somewhere in the house.

The table arrives on a day when everyone is out, except for my mom's maid, who walked out in the rain to greet the delivery guys and get the table into the house. This woman has served my mother for 20 years and she runs the household beautifully.

As she walks to the gate, she hears my mom's neighbour say "Excuse me, but someone threw a cigarette butt outside our gate. Can you please pick it up."

It's not us, she said. No one in this house smokes.

What about the delivery boy? I think they threw it, came the smartass response.

Ok. I don't know. I'll pick it up for you after I've told them where to put the table, she said.

No. You pick it up now.

So my mom's maid walks out in the pouring rain, to the front of the neighbour's house (48 Swiss View Singapore 288054) and picks up a wet cigarette butt to throw it away. As she picks it up, she hears the neighbour's little girl say:

Monkey can smoke cigarette!

And then the little girl pointed at her and laughed.

And then the little girl's mother said:

Yes! Monkey can smoke cigarette!

And she also laughed and laughed.

I'm really not sure where these people get off calling someone a monkey. Perhaps they've never seen a monkey before. Or perhaps they think they're monkeys too. I wonder what the Philippine Embassy would have to say about someone calling one of their most honest, hardworking, trustworthy citizens a monkey, just because she decided out of the goodness of her heart to pick up a piece of trash in front of someone's house as a personal favour.