Tuesday, May 06, 2008

How To Recover Lost Wealth From Expired Vouchers

I was startled several times since my last post re the number of people who live in the erroneous belief that an expired voucher is an expired voucher. Allow me to utilise this next post to disavow you of this sadly mistaken impression.

An expired voucher is only an expired voucher if you believe it to be expired. It's not Zen. This is fact.

If you permit yourself to cohabit (for the period of time it takes to get through to the credit card company on the 1800 line) in a different existential plane where no vouchers are ever expired, you can in fact persuade the individual credit card officer who has the ill luck to pick up your call that these vouchers are mistaken in relation to their life span and therefore should be exchanged for new vouchers who are not so mistaken.

Sometimes the ill-starred credit card officer will raise the possibility that these new non-mistaken vouchers will be yours in exchange for a small amount of cash. In which case you would need to raise yourself to a new plateau of existence where no cash is ever payable to exchange expired vouchers for non-expired vouchers.

On this new plateau of existence, the credit card officer will agree that, indeed, no one would ever need to pay cash for an exchange of vouchers, and wish you good day madam before finally being permitted to disconnect the call.

There is one more plateau of existence that I had intended to raise myself to, at this point, and it is the plateau where the credit card officer sends someone to my office to personally pick up the offending vouchers, with no charge to madam. However, I have a sore throat today, so I guess you could say it is a bad day for my throat and a good day for my credit card company and its employees.

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At 10:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aaaaaah... Spoken like a true lawyer, Madame. I stand corrected before you. Anyway, this reminds me of a true story I once heard about your breed:

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, 'Why are you eating grass?'

'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied.

'We have to eat grass.'

'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you,' the lawyer said.

'But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.'

'Bring them along,' the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, 'You come with us, too.'

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, 'But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!'

'Bring them all, as well,' the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, 'Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.'

The lawyer replied, 'Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high.'

 
At 1:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Singapore is very lucky to have lawyers like you. Like the talented ministar, just blame it on somebody else.

The credit card officer ought to be humbled by the fact that some vouchers in someone's possession for a few months expired and somehow it is his responsibility and duty to replace them at no cost. It can't be customer's fault surely? So it must be his fault or the credit card company's fault.

Unbeknownst to us, young eyes are watching and little ears are listening. Our deeds and actions, will leave a far more impressionable mark on them than we can imagine.

 
At 1:11 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

I guess the comments of 2 anonymous individuals point to the fact that they have somehow stumbled upon the essence of true evil.

Who else would be so deserving of a place in the 9th circle of hell, besides people who victimise poor credit card companies with their expired vouchers, would it be:

1. people who argue with the poor policeman about their parking fines;

2. people who bargain with the poor shopkeeper for a reduced price on their goods;

3. people who don't wash their hands after using the toilet; or

4. people who change lanes when they're driving without using their indicator light.

P.S. I don't know whether anyone has ever mentioned this to you, but you don't need actually a law degree to get an expired voucher reissued. This does not form part of the course curriculum.

P.S.S: You may also be surprised to discover that there is also no law applicable to expired vouchers.

 
At 5:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent rebutt!!!!I love your blog, it's always so witty!

 
At 1:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh for goodness' sake, what's so evil about getting expired vouchers re-issued? The money is already with the issuing company, do you want to give the business the money for nothing?

 
At 10:08 PM, Blogger Mei Del said...

are these anonymouses (anonymice?) afraid of being sued, tracked down and sued?

 
At 10:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear mei del,

Everyone hides behind a veil of anonymity on the internet. It's just that some people are more anonymous than others.
I don't have a blogger account, that's why I choose to post as anonymous.

Does that make me any more anonymous than you or hairydonut?

Better put, does the fact that you have a blogger account make you less anonymous than me? The answer must be no, because even if your comment is linked to your blogger account which is linked to your blog which in turn is linked to photos purporting to be of yourself, how can I be sure that you are that person in the photo?

So stop making childish and stupid remarks like "are these anonymouses (anonymice?) afraid of being sued, tracked down and sued?"

Who are these "anonymice"? We are humans, just like you are, who, as an acquiesce to convenience, choose to post as anonymous.

 
At 11:02 AM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

Ok. My blog is not for people to showcase their defensiveness. I should mention that choosing the "Anonymous" option results in your getting a space to type any amount of text you deem fit, including your name or other identifying feature. If you choose not to do so, that's fine. But no need to be defensive please. We live with the choices we make.

 
At 1:57 PM, Blogger Mei Del said...

ooh i must have touched a raw nerve - i think it's the word 'afraid' ...

 
At 6:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Jennifer,

I am anon 10:42, and I have the greatest respect for you and your blog. You should know by a simple IP check that I am not either of the first 2 anonymouses who posted on your blog. I happen to be a privacy advocate who feels strongly enough about privacy to give the ocassional lecture to ignorant users of the internet.
I apologise if my remarks have caused any misunderstanding. :)

 
At 7:39 PM, Blogger Mei Del said...

the privacy advocate doth protest too much, methinks?

hairydonut i enjoy the silliness of your blog and sometimes make whatever silly response that comes to my head - although perhaps your readership has become a little oversensitive of late...

 
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