Thursday, August 03, 2006

The Last Seminar, and other happy tales

Gave my last seminar this morning. No more after this, unless I am compelled by The Boss. Enough said. No more previous day stress, no more being chased upside down to submit my presentation slides 1 week before, no more waking up at 5 am in a cold sweat to go through my presentation one more time, no more being asked crazy insane questions, no more having to tell people that, no, I'm not an employee of the seminar organiser, DID YOU NOT SEE OUR COMPANY'S NAME ON EVERY SINGLE SLIDE AS WELL AS MY NAMECARD AS WELL AS OUR BANNERS OUTSIDE ARE YOU BLIND?


Back to Dorothy. Whoever is her employer now, they should damn well know they have a gem. I blew something like S$22,000 on clothes in 3 trips to her store. This is not money I could afford to pay. This is more money than some people spend on an effing house, for goodness sake. I'm sure in some parts of Africa this is their GDP or something like that. Do I look like a person that would blow S$22k on clothes? No. But why did I do it? I have no clue. Possibly because it's Dorothy we're talking about here, not some random salesperson.

Back to the dressing room. I tried on the one single outfit my mom had bought, and stepped out for fittings. She pinned everything to fit and sends me back into the dressing room. Then squee ... squee ... squee... a rack of beautiful clothes, all exactly my size, is pulled up outside my dressing room, like an overloaded delivery truck.

Dear? I've selected some clothes that I thought you might like. These just came in 2 days ago, and we've set them aside for previews by some of our good customers. Why don't you try this top with this pants and this jacket, and then come out and let me see?

So beautiful. You look just like your mother (wtf?). This really shows off your figure. I think you can wear this to the office, and then if you take off the jacket and pair the suit with this other top here, you can go out for drinks, or even to a wedding dinner. You want to see some evening gowns?

This is an Ungaro evening gown - we haven't put it on display yet because the whole collection has been reserved by 2 of our customers. But I don't think they can wear this one - it's very young, very refreshing. Actually it goes very well with this pair of Jimmy Choos - you see how the snakeskin adds texture?

For Gremlin: You want a formal evening dress right, but nothing too long. We have this ... and this... and this....

For Stace: You want more suits right? Conservative dark colours? We have this ... and this... and this....

For every pashmina, there was a matching designer evening gown and Jimmy Choos. When we were done choosing clothes, they had house perfumes (exclusive! you can't find this elsewhere!), brooches (let me show you the different ways to pin this), lingerie and even floral arrangements (in case you have an important client that you want to impress. Just call me.)

And the kicker? The thing that makes you keep coming back?

All the alterations are free. If you have to shrink a size L suit into an XS, even if you have to shorten the sleeves, shorten the pants, shorten the crotch, reduce the width of the back, the waist, the collar is too big, tummy allowance too small, whatever. BUT YOU NEED TO COME BACK TO PICK IT UP. And when you come back, you're trying on 5 outfits that you've already paid for with money you don't have, you hear.... squee.... squee.... squee.... Dear?

I'd still be going back to pick up my outfits now, if I hadn't gone to pick up the last lot on a day that she was on leave. Even then, I'd get a call within the next few weeks about some new collection or the other. She knows my weakness for dark tailored suits and long empire waisted evening gowns. She knows I like my iridescent snakeskin Jimmy Choos at least 2 inches high. I am powerless. I am a pawn with a rechargeable credit card. When Glamourette closed down, I was a little sad but relieved. The prospect of solvency is quite enticing.

Anyway, she's back. Now she will bring the clothes in a trunk to my house. I don't even have to step out the door or even change out of my Pokemon tee shirt. She accepts cheques (I trust you, dear), alterations are free, she'll bring the clothes back after they're altered (let me show you what else I have brought) and, here's the kicker, if I have any suits or clothes that I can't wear anymore (due to the post-pregnancy gut), she will alter them until they fit beautifully, and bring them back to my house. For a fee.


At 12:45 PM, Blogger gremlin said...

hell. which boutique is this again? why am I even asking?! argh. am sooo afraid now. you shouldn't have. you know I won't be meeting up with you anymore from hereon. I refuse to fall prey again. fact that i'm even daydreaming about what she might have in store for me after reading this lousy entry - oh gross. this is sooo sad. sooo bad. am sooo scared.

At 12:48 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

(Hollow laughter) There is no boutique. They do trunk shows at hotels from time to time, and bring the clothes to selected customers at their homes for fittings.

At 12:51 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

You call her lah. She doesn't blog.

At 6:19 PM, Blogger Little Miss Drinkalot said...

I'm really curious why your mom sent you straight into the devil's claws the way she did...

At 6:51 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

I always wondered too. Like God sending Jesus into the desert (of bankruptcy) to meet the Devil, maybe?

Or maybe she wanted to see if I had any shopaholic genes.

At 9:48 PM, Blogger ene said...

$22,000?!? Did you just write "$22,000" or did you mean to write "$2,000"?


At 10:37 AM, Blogger gremlin said...

$2K's the cost of ONE piece, man. that's why am sooooo scared. trunk calls? you're kidding me. now you got me thinking...i can do those...trunk calls.....

At 11:52 AM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

Get a trunk with the little wheels.

It makes me ill to think about that money now, but I did get enough evening dresses to last me for years, not to mention suits. Dorothy also pushed me out of my comfort zone and got me to try different cuts of suits, blouses and skirts and in colours that I'd never have even picked off the hanger in another shop. Am grateful to her for that.

She also managed to get Gremlin to buy something in a colour other than black. You'd understand the significance if you'd ever looked in Gremlin's closet - it's like staring into a gaping black hole where all the light has been sucked out of the world.

At 2:23 PM, Blogger The Screwy Skeptic said...

you have left us all greedy little gremlins trembling at your feet. we (i) want photos of these pretty clothes... my preciousss.

oh god. this is why men don't like shopping with us.

At 3:38 AM, Blogger valkyrie said...

good lord. i must never meet a dorothy.

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