Thursday, August 03, 2006

The Last Seminar, and other happy tales

Gave my last seminar this morning. No more after this, unless I am compelled by The Boss. Enough said. No more previous day stress, no more being chased upside down to submit my presentation slides 1 week before, no more waking up at 5 am in a cold sweat to go through my presentation one more time, no more being asked crazy insane questions, no more having to tell people that, no, I'm not an employee of the seminar organiser, DID YOU NOT SEE OUR COMPANY'S NAME ON EVERY SINGLE SLIDE AS WELL AS MY NAMECARD AS WELL AS OUR BANNERS OUTSIDE ARE YOU BLIND?

Heerrgggggggggghhh.

Back to Dorothy. Whoever is her employer now, they should damn well know they have a gem. I blew something like S$22,000 on clothes in 3 trips to her store. This is not money I could afford to pay. This is more money than some people spend on an effing house, for goodness sake. I'm sure in some parts of Africa this is their GDP or something like that. Do I look like a person that would blow S$22k on clothes? No. But why did I do it? I have no clue. Possibly because it's Dorothy we're talking about here, not some random salesperson.

Back to the dressing room. I tried on the one single outfit my mom had bought, and stepped out for fittings. She pinned everything to fit and sends me back into the dressing room. Then squee ... squee ... squee... a rack of beautiful clothes, all exactly my size, is pulled up outside my dressing room, like an overloaded delivery truck.

Dear? I've selected some clothes that I thought you might like. These just came in 2 days ago, and we've set them aside for previews by some of our good customers. Why don't you try this top with this pants and this jacket, and then come out and let me see?

So beautiful. You look just like your mother (wtf?). This really shows off your figure. I think you can wear this to the office, and then if you take off the jacket and pair the suit with this other top here, you can go out for drinks, or even to a wedding dinner. You want to see some evening gowns?

This is an Ungaro evening gown - we haven't put it on display yet because the whole collection has been reserved by 2 of our customers. But I don't think they can wear this one - it's very young, very refreshing. Actually it goes very well with this pair of Jimmy Choos - you see how the snakeskin adds texture?

For Gremlin: You want a formal evening dress right, but nothing too long. We have this ... and this... and this....

For Stace: You want more suits right? Conservative dark colours? We have this ... and this... and this....

For every pashmina, there was a matching designer evening gown and Jimmy Choos. When we were done choosing clothes, they had house perfumes (exclusive! you can't find this elsewhere!), brooches (let me show you the different ways to pin this), lingerie and even floral arrangements (in case you have an important client that you want to impress. Just call me.)

And the kicker? The thing that makes you keep coming back?

All the alterations are free. If you have to shrink a size L suit into an XS, even if you have to shorten the sleeves, shorten the pants, shorten the crotch, reduce the width of the back, the waist, the collar is too big, tummy allowance too small, whatever. BUT YOU NEED TO COME BACK TO PICK IT UP. And when you come back, you're trying on 5 outfits that you've already paid for with money you don't have, you hear.... squee.... squee.... squee.... Dear?

I'd still be going back to pick up my outfits now, if I hadn't gone to pick up the last lot on a day that she was on leave. Even then, I'd get a call within the next few weeks about some new collection or the other. She knows my weakness for dark tailored suits and long empire waisted evening gowns. She knows I like my iridescent snakeskin Jimmy Choos at least 2 inches high. I am powerless. I am a pawn with a rechargeable credit card. When Glamourette closed down, I was a little sad but relieved. The prospect of solvency is quite enticing.

Anyway, she's back. Now she will bring the clothes in a trunk to my house. I don't even have to step out the door or even change out of my Pokemon tee shirt. She accepts cheques (I trust you, dear), alterations are free, she'll bring the clothes back after they're altered (let me show you what else I have brought) and, here's the kicker, if I have any suits or clothes that I can't wear anymore (due to the post-pregnancy gut), she will alter them until they fit beautifully, and bring them back to my house. For a fee.

38 Comments:

At 12:45 PM, Blogger gremlin said...

hell. which boutique is this again? why am I even asking?! argh. am sooo afraid now. you shouldn't have. you know I won't be meeting up with you anymore from hereon. I refuse to fall prey again. fact that i'm even daydreaming about what she might have in store for me after reading this lousy entry - oh gross. this is sooo sad. sooo bad. am sooo scared.

 
At 12:48 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

(Hollow laughter) There is no boutique. They do trunk shows at hotels from time to time, and bring the clothes to selected customers at their homes for fittings.

 
At 12:51 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

You call her lah. She doesn't blog.

 
At 6:19 PM, Blogger Little Miss Drinkalot said...

I'm really curious why your mom sent you straight into the devil's claws the way she did...

 
At 6:51 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

I always wondered too. Like God sending Jesus into the desert (of bankruptcy) to meet the Devil, maybe?

Or maybe she wanted to see if I had any shopaholic genes.

 
At 9:48 PM, Blogger ene said...

$22,000?!? Did you just write "$22,000" or did you mean to write "$2,000"?

*blinks*

 
At 10:37 AM, Blogger gremlin said...

$2K's the cost of ONE piece, man. that's why am sooooo scared. trunk calls? you're kidding me. now you got me thinking...i can do those...trunk calls.....

 
At 11:52 AM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

Get a trunk with the little wheels.

It makes me ill to think about that money now, but I did get enough evening dresses to last me for years, not to mention suits. Dorothy also pushed me out of my comfort zone and got me to try different cuts of suits, blouses and skirts and in colours that I'd never have even picked off the hanger in another shop. Am grateful to her for that.

She also managed to get Gremlin to buy something in a colour other than black. You'd understand the significance if you'd ever looked in Gremlin's closet - it's like staring into a gaping black hole where all the light has been sucked out of the world.

 
At 2:23 PM, Blogger The Screwy Skeptic said...

you have left us all greedy little gremlins trembling at your feet. we (i) want photos of these pretty clothes... my preciousss.

oh god. this is why men don't like shopping with us.

 
At 3:38 AM, Blogger valkyrie said...

good lord. i must never meet a dorothy.

 
At 6:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work Comparison between aciphex and nexium and prevacid and http://www.tippmann-paintball-guns.info phone answering service orange county care rosacea Roulette trainer Free latinas mpegs Interracial swinger personals paintball commmand christmas on prozac play online bingo games Family+coats+of+arms St louis malpractice lawyer Transvestite images 2flist shemale thai Adults taking adderall

 
At 3:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness! Incredible article dude! Many thanks, However I am having troubles with your RSS.
I don't know the reason why I can't subscribe to it.
Is there anybody having the same RSS issues? Anybody who knows the answer will you kindly respond?
Thanks!!

Also visit my website - best Uk domain name hosting

 
At 10:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Greetings,
Am utilizing Hp LaserJet 1018 printer for my Mac publication professional Actually am made use
of home windows xp formerly to my unit. Now it is updated with Mac OS X Snow leopard.
Yet here is a trouble is that the tool is unable feature
well with the system.

Feel free to surf to my page - http://coastalnewstoday.com/florida-treasure-the-memory-dont-dig-up-beach-palm-beach-county-tells-treasure-hunter-palm-beach-post/

 
At 12:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its like you learn my mind! You seem to know so much approximately this, such as you wrote the guide in it
or something. I think that you simply can do with some percent to drive
the message house a little bit, but other than that, this
is magnificent blog. A great read. I'll certainly be back.

Feel free to visit my homepage costume jewellery wholesalers uk

 
At 4:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for your marvelous posting! I certainly enjoyed reading it, you can be a great author.

I will be sure to bookmark your blog and may come back
in the foreseeable future. I want to encourage you to continue your
great posts, have a nice evening!

my web page; dar26464mc.webnode.com

 
At 2:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your kindness shall be tremendously appreciated.

Feel free to visit my homepage :: https://cryptoparty.org/index.php?Title=user:quincysto

 
At 2:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

After I originally left a comment I appear to have clicked the -Notify me when new comments are
added- checkbox and now whenever a comment is added I recieve four emails with the same comment.

Is there an easy method you can remove me from that service?

Appreciate it!

My web site ... xerox 8560 drivers

 
At 10:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is the best time to make some plans for the longer term and
it is time to be happy. I've read this publish and if I may just I desire to recommend you few attention-grabbing things or suggestions. Maybe you could write subsequent articles regarding this article. I desire to learn more things approximately it!

Feel free to visit my website ... xerox 8560 cyan

 
At 4:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very helpful details, I have actually always chosen laser printers because they
are much less costly to utilize, as soon as you make the initial financial investment.
Toner cartrages are much more costly yet outlast lots of most individuals inkjet cartrages
and are less untidy to make use of. You can easily establish your laser
printer to print in grayscale and use less of the shade toner, I only make use of shade when printing pictures.



Have a look at my web page :: Xerox Phaser 8560Dn

 
At 10:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Such a neat idea! I've got to test Mod Podge.

Also visit my page: personal jewellery

 
At 3:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rolf made my gemstone, and it is gonna be making my strap too !

His jewelly is definitely beautiful.

Also visit my site :: silver jewellery sets

 
At 7:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I luv SOOOO most of the Rashida earrings... its like they have a great deal of personality in their eyes!
!!

Have a look at my web site: km.sisat.ac.th

 
At 12:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey there my name tong in khmer(cambodia) digital and circuit
are my favor yet i can not make it that now it so wish to try too, may some one tell me ways to make PCB
... ple send picture and specific of them to my e-mail, thanks .
..

Also visit my web blog - xerox phaser 8560 maintenance
kit (etourism-fitness.com)

 
At 4:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey,
I am looking to publish sales brochures in shade and was
speculating exactly how it would certainly be for
200.
I am a bit confused with the frame over, a relative of mine deliver it to me and I was asking yourself if you desire deliver me additional specifics
on copy costs and all that you do.
Sev.

Look at my website xerox phaser 8560 driver

 
At 9:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Liked and liked! I adore the silver Africa shaped pendant <3

Feel free to visit my blog post ,online jewellery deals :: ::

 
At 6:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello, i think that i saw you visited my website so i came to return the
choose?.I am trying to to find issues to improve my site!
I assume its good enough to make use of some of your concepts!
!

Take a look at my web site: xerox 8560dn

 
At 9:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Motorists who definitely are 50 yrs . old or earlier will have
an automobile accident treatment class to assure you fulfill the
requirements reduce quotes.

Also visit my webpage ,cheap nice earrings

 
At 2:46 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

nike free, kate spade handbags, nike air max, michael kors outlet, christian louboutin, coach purses, oakley vault, tiffany and co jewelry, christian louboutin outlet, cheap oakley sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, coach outlet store online, tory burch outlet, louis vuitton outlet online, louis vuitton outlet, coach outlet, louis vuitton outlet, jordan shoes, chanel handbags, louis vuitton, kate spade outlet online, louis vuitton handbags, polo ralph lauren outlet, burberry outlet online, red bottom shoes, true religion outlet, longchamp handbags, ray ban outlet, true religion, prada outlet, michael kors outlet online, tiffany jewelry, gucci handbags, polo ralph lauren, michael kors outlet online, oakley sunglasses, christian louboutin shoes, michael kors outlet store, michael kors outlet online, nike air max, longchamp outlet, nike shoes, longchamp outlet online, prada handbags, michael kors outlet online, coach outlet, burberry outlet online

 
At 3:01 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

longchamp pas cher, chaussure louboutin, longchamp, nike air force, nike free, hollister, sac michael kors, vans pas cher, nike air max, nike air max, converse pas cher, abercrombie and fitch, lacoste pas cher, nike blazer pas cher, new balance pas cher, louis vuitton, louis vuitton pas cher, oakley pas cher, ralph lauren, air jordan, lululemon, mulberry, timberland, guess pas cher, burberry pas cher, louis vuitton uk, sac vanessa bruno, true religion outlet, michael kors uk, nike roshe, nike free pas cher, barbour, ray ban uk, nike roshe run, hollister, air max pas cher, tn pas cher, ray ban pas cher, north face, air max, sac louis vuitton, scarpe hogan, hermes pas cher, true religion jeans, michael kors canada, ralph lauren pas cher, north face pas cher

 
At 3:09 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

north face jackets, birkin bag, ugg soldes, p90x workout, ferragamo shoes, mac cosmetics, marc jacobs outlet, nike huarache, bottega veneta, babyliss pro, ghd, north face outlet, mcm handbags, herve leger, uggs outlet, canada goose outlet, insanity workout, giuseppe zanotti, soccer jerseys, rolex watches, jimmy choo shoes, canada goose outlet, celine handbags, mont blanc pens, ugg, beats headphones, ugg boots, chi flat iron, uggs on sale, canada goose, soccer shoes, wedding dresses, asics shoes, hollister, valentino shoes, reebok shoes, longchamp, lululemon outlet, ugg outlet, new balance outlet, abercrombie and fitch, nfl jerseys, vans outlet, roshe run, canada goose outlet, nike trainers, instyler ionic styler

 
At 3:19 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

air max, juicy couture outlet, louboutin, canada goose, wedding dress, louis vuitton canada, canada goose, ralph lauren, uggs canada, moncler outlet, thomas sabo uk, replica watches, parajumpers outlet, gucci, pandora jewelry, converse shoes, hollister clothing, nike air max, swarovski jewelry, converse, karen millen, montre femme, coach outlet, swarovski uk, timberland shoes, moncler, moncler, hollister, supra shoes, pandora charms, ray ban, links of london uk, oakley, juicy couture outlet, moncler, lancel, canada goose uk, toms outlet, baseball bats, pandora uk, iphone 6 case, vans, ugg, moncler, canada goose pas cher, hollister canada, moncler, moncler

 
At 9:34 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

louis vuitton, oakley sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, tory burch outlet, ray ban sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, ugg boots, longchamp outlet, burberry, louboutin shoes, ray ban sunglasses, prada handbags, louis vuitton outlet, gucci outlet, louis vuitton, chanel handbags, longchamp, michael kors outlet, louboutin outlet, nike free, ugg boots, polo ralph lauren outlet, oakley sunglasses, nike air max, replica watches, christian louboutin outlet, michael kors outlet, longchamp outlet, tiffany jewelry, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet, louis vuitton outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, kate spade outlet, prada outlet, nike outlet, ray ban sunglasses, michael kors outlet, uggs on sale, louboutin, tiffany and co, louis vuitton, burberry outlet online, nike air max, jordan shoes, ugg boots, cheap oakley sunglasses

 
At 9:37 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

ray ban pas cher, kate spade handbags, nike roshe, vans pas cher, lacoste pas cher, nike roshe run, abercrombie and fitch, true religion jeans, timberland, nike air max, coach factory outlet, true religion outlet, burberry, michael kors, coach purses, vanessa bruno, michael kors, converse pas cher, hollister pas cher, nike blazer, michael kors, oakley pas cher, tn pas cher, ray ban uk, mulberry, louboutin pas cher, hogan, ralph lauren uk, michael kors, coach outlet, sac guess, new balance pas cher, air force, nike free, lululemon, ralph lauren pas cher, coach outlet, north face, hermes, nike air max, true religion jeans, nike air max, sac longchamp, hollister, true religion jeans, north face, longchamp pas cher, air max, air jordan pas cher, nike free run uk

 
At 9:40 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

louboutin, birkin bag, hollister, longchamp, ghd, insanity workout, nike roshe, beats by dre, hollister, oakley, nike air max, jimmy choo shoes, celine handbags, hollister, asics running shoes, gucci, giuseppe zanotti, vans, wedding dresses, timberland boots, mont blanc, north face outlet, valentino shoes, bottega veneta, soccer jerseys, mcm handbags, chi flat iron, lululemon, ray ban, abercrombie and fitch, new balance, ralph lauren, mac cosmetics, north face outlet, iphone 6 cases, nike air max, instyler, babyliss, herve leger, baseball bats, nfl jerseys, ferragamo shoes, nike trainers, reebok shoes, nike huarache, converse outlet, p90x workout, converse, vans shoes, soccer shoes

 
At 9:42 AM, Blogger oakleyses said...

toms shoes, moncler, pandora charms, pandora jewelry, michael kors handbags, barbour, replica watches, moncler, doudoune canada goose, pandora charms, wedding dresses, doke gabbana outlet, canada goose, louis vuitton, bottes ugg, barbour jackets, louis vuitton, karen millen, michael kors outlet, marc jacobs, pandora jewelry, moncler, louis vuitton, supra shoes, juicy couture outlet, montre pas cher, moncler, canada goose outlet, ugg pas cher, swarovski crystal, links of london, juicy couture outlet, moncler outlet, moncler, canada goose, canada goose uk, louis vuitton, lancel, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, canada goose outlet, canada goose, michael kors outlet online, hollister, moncler, moncler, ugg boots uk, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, thomas sabo, canada goose, swarovski, sac louis vuitton pas cher, coach outlet

 
At 10:52 AM, Blogger dada24 Xu said...

armani exchange outlet
kd 8 shoes
ugg on sale
red bottom
fake rolex watches
coach factory outlet
michael kors outlet clearance
michael kors outlet sale
birkin handbags
fitflops sale clearance
zhi20161231

 
At 1:21 PM, Blogger LCc 03 said...

yeezy shoes
adidas ultra boost
links of london outlet store
michael kors
hogan outlet
cheap jordans
true religion outlet
fitflops
kobe 9
air force 1

 
At 9:48 AM, Blogger raybanoutlet001 said...

tiffany and co outlet
nike store uk
nike air huarache
ralph lauren outlet online
coach outlet store
true religion jeans sale
under armour outlet
ed hardy
canada goose jackets
supra shoes
2017.3.25

 

Post a Comment

<< Home