The Feet of God

The Husband is always going on about the weird stuff that I eat and how if ET had landed in China instead of The America, he would not have had the opportunity to phone home unless there was a phone in the wok or just next to it.

Well last night, during a misguided attempt to reach Quentin's (a yummy Eurasian restaurant), which is not at the junction of Joo Chiat and Marine Parade as previously believed but in fact opposite Margarita's at East Coast Road, we ended up at the Smelly Tofu Place next to Obolo's Cheesecake, where my mother, all nostalgic about her formative years spent in Kowloon, orders the "Deep Fried Tofu Of A Slightly Strong Odour".

Can we have the small size please, I ask the waitress.

Sorry oly 1 sie, she replies. Ok then.

Looking back, I'm just glad I had about 5 minutes alone with my Oyster-Flavour Vermicelli before the Tofu arrived. After one whiff, my stomach slammed into reverse gear and started pushing the stuff back up. It smelt like the time I left Campbell's Vegetable Soup in a vacuum flask in my school locker over the weekend and then attempted to consume it. It was all I could do to remain seated at the table. I was amazed that The Son could continue sleeping through the meal - I thought the smell was enough to make him wake up crying.

The smell is simply atrocious. Unspeakably atrocious. I have never smelt anything so vile in my life, and this mind you has been a life spent eating durian, fermented baby squid, sea cucumber guts, pig brain, snails (not escargo), chut chut, fish sperm and a whole lotta pig guts. Truly this is the first time in my life that I have faced off against a gross foodstuff and not eaten it. I have met my Waterloo and it is Smelly Tofu.

Oh you should try deep fried locust, said my mother as we watched her liberate the very last chunk of Smelly Tofu from its earthly existence. It's nice you know. Crunchy.
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Meanwhile, in an alternate universe, I cannot sit in my office eating toast with Tetsuya's truffle butter salsa without people streaming in to complain that "Wooh! That smells really strong!"