From Moments to Memories

Had lunch with a (non-blood) relative today and he explained some of the background to his on-again-off-again divorce to my (blood) relative. It's incredibly sad to do a post-mortem of a 35-year marriage and to realise after all the time they spent together their relationship has ground down to this. They've licked the bottom out of the plate. They're in their 60s now and still fighting - if they do get divorced, so what? They have a son - they'll still fight about and over him. If they don't get divorced, then they'll just carry on like this indefinitely and unhappily.

It's very tempting to find fault with their individual personalities in a "it'll never happen to the likes of me" rationalisation exercise but I just can't. At the root of this horrible relationship are 2 strong-willed but incredibly normal people with logical minds and normal if fraying temperaments. How did they come to this? When they first met they were insanely crazy about each other. One went overseas to study and the other begged and borrowed enough money to follow. Now they can't even agree on halogen lights for the living room.

I've always felt that my cousin was a remote little kid that grew up into a remote sullen young man whose emotions (other than displeasure and apathy) are completely unreadable. Frankly I can't blame him. Without any siblings, he's had to face all of this alone since as long as he can remember. Now that they can hardly bring themselves to speak to each other, he has to pass along messages ranging from snippy comebacks to ultimatums. At least during the few years that my parents were fighting, I had 2 other siblings to witness the mess. Although we have never discussed it, at least I got to see their reaction to the trauma and it was a comfort in itself.

I believe he is changed forever from their constant fighting through the years. I'll always wonder what kind of person he could've been if he grew up in a normal household, although is any household really ever normal? Maybe this is normal.