Wednesday, August 23, 2006

My Friend is a Philanthropist

I received an invitation to an engagement party yesterday. Want Want is getting married.

So yeah. The next time I find myself with a little bit of friendly advice to dispense, I'm just going to keep it to myself.

A friend kindly offered to go with me this Saturday for the engagement party. Why, I asked. Well, you told me she's okay looking right. So she might have cute friends. I can help you to get back at her by screwing them.

Is that amazing or what? Which just goes to show how wonderful the English vocabulary is. There is always a bunch of words you can use to justify every single thing. Dude is telling me he is not in this for a quick lay. Because we are such great friends, he is willing to allow his body - his temple - to be used as a device for a random number of unknown women to achieve orgasmic relief. Just so that I'd somehow feel a little better about a friend of mine marrying a gold digger.

For the sake of our friendship, he's willing to sacrifice the time that his penis would otherwise be spending in his pants. He's willing to give up all that sperm that his body has spent time and effort producing. Instead of using that sperm to doodle his name on the ceiling of his bedroom, I mean. He's got a very long name - I'm talking about A LOT of sperm here. I don't know if it's customary to include your hanyu pinyin name in these inscriptions, but anyway I digress.

So can you blame me for getting teary at this point?

14 Comments:

At 6:04 PM, Blogger expat@large said...

Confused from Bukit Timah asks: Am I getting this right? If he screws all these other girls, somehow YOU benefit?

 
At 6:05 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

Yeah, like, you know, intangibly. I guess it's Schadenfreude. Or something like that.

I have ceased to be registered to comment on your blog!!!! What happened? (she said, sadly)

 
At 7:06 PM, Blogger expat@large said...

Memory and/or Password loss. No idea how to get either back.

 
At 5:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmmmmmmmmm... and you know the quantum of his produce becos??

G

 
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