Monday, September 18, 2006

Fok Moi

A client of ours seems to have cornered the market in bad leases. Or rather, difficult landlords. They've got a top executive living in Survivor Treehouse, a $30,000 per month bungalow where the roof leaks in 3 places when it rains, 5 doors cannot close at all, water drips out of their lights, the walls sweat water in rivulets and bats fly in and out of the house like its their private reserve. Not to mention one room in the house has an airconditioner so noisy that it's impossible to use the room at all.

To which the landlord responds:

1. Avoid using the noisy room. There are so many rooms in the house after all.
2. Bats enhance the 'country-living' atmosphere and should not be regarded as pests.
3. Singapore is a humid place, so it's inevitable that walls and lights drip water.
4. Door cannot close is not my problem.
5. My contractor says the roof shouldn't be leaking.

Also the CCTV for the front gate leads up to a computer with no hard drive. Landlord response? The hard drive isn't mentioned in the inventory list of the lease, so they are under no obligation to supply it.

Hello? If I was the Landlord getting a cool $30,000 per month by GIRO like fucking clockwork from a MNC tenant, I won't even bother getting out of bed in the morning. I'll just lie in bed, or in my pool the whole damn day with the handphone next to me in case my precious tenant needs anything. If they want me to serve tea, hell yeah, what time should I drop by? If I have to shoot the bats down one by one, yeah, I'll be the sniper living on the roof for the next 10 days. Me and my husband. And my mother.

This morning another problem comes up - a different landlord for a $12,000 apartment refuses to refund their deposit. No reason. Just refuses to take their calls. In an effort to track down the Landlord, I've just gone through an endless list of individuals in Singapore named "Fok". No success, but I did come across an individual named "Fok Moi". Yeah, well Fok Moi too.


At 1:36 PM, Blogger gremlin said...

aie these people. take the hard stance. dun give chance to these. give notice, move out and sue for whatever possible.

At 1:42 PM, Blogger expat@large said...

Fok moi? Fok tu!

What are the tenancy rights here? Surely tenant 1 can withhold payment until the problems are solved to their satisfaction?

Tenant 2: sounds like they are Fokked.

Tenant 1: could have ten apartments in my block...

At 2:35 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

Tenant 1 could buy in-season Gucci bags just using the change they dig out of their sofa.

There seem to be a disturbing trend of people who don't need to work for a living, and yet manage to get big bucks. Not that everything's about me all the time, but I'm starting to think there's a conspiracy to drive me insane.

At 8:20 PM, Anonymous just a stranger passing through said...

$30K a month rental!?! What does the house have, leaky gold taps?

At 12:31 AM, Blogger valkyrie said...

was the house like that in the first place (which makes me wonder why they signed the lease... ) or did it deteriorate into bat-cave with sweaty walls and roof showers?

At 6:08 PM, Blogger ene said...

S$30K a month?!?!??!? Can I join you to shoot those bats on the rooftop while I get like, a 10% cut from the rental?

At 12:49 PM, Blogger Little Miss Drinkalot said...

More importantly, does the landlord have a young strapping son? Casual marriage, you know?

At 3:07 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

Frankly I used to wonder who would pay S$30k for rental in Singapore but I've ceased to allow this to bother me. I'm sure there's a good reason why the tenant picked this particular house in the first place.

I do know however it's got more rooms than some boutique hotels and more private garden space than most developers have for the entire condo project. And it's completely shaded because of the (bat-ridden) trees in the property. And part of the house has got glass walls so lots of light comes in.

I've heard the house called Lemon House/ Survivor House/ House of Fruit Bats but my favorite name for it is Schadenfreude House. There's a little bit of guilty satisfaction I get from understanding the problems of really rich people.

At 2:05 AM, Blogger palmist said...

Any Fok Yew? Maybe that's the guy.

At 12:13 PM, Blogger gremlin said...

Is the tenant's name Gotfrucked?

At 12:59 AM, Blogger knobby said...

Landlord 1 sounds like a lovely chap. One of my friends has a big stick. I can make introductions.

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