Monday, February 01, 2010

Here Comes the Fuck-Lady

I dropped off The Son in school this morning, and one of his teachers had a little chat with me. I suspect I was just the person she wanted to see.

So it appears that The Son's classmate went home and used the F-word in front of his horrified mother, who asked him where he learned That Word from, and was informed that her son had learned it from The Son. She informed the teachers of The Son accordingly. The teachers rounded up all the kids and asked them if any of them knew A Bad Word starting with "F". And the second syllable is "Uh".

My Son puts up his hand and says, helpfully - "And the last sound is "CK"!!"

So busted.

He then informed his teachers that yes, his mother uses the F-word, and she has used it on him too, but this was only this one time when she was really really angry with him, and she hasn't used it again since.

I was at a complete loss for words. Frankly, I do not ever recall using "the F-word" on him, although I use it in ordinary conversations with The Husband, and sometimes, unavoidably, in the hearing of The Son. Unless I have a lobotomy, there is no way I am going to change my ordinary daily speech pattern.

When The Son was 2.5 years old, he said "fuck" in the car. Mainly to himself, and apropos of nothing in particular (I think he was trying it on for size). We informed him several times, with rephrasing and repetition, that it was a very naughty word and that he should never ever use it. Since then, he's never said it in our hearing. I thought he had forgotten the word altogether. After all, we just taught him a whole bunch of dinosaur names and I thought that would have wiped out his memory space ("RAM") altogether.

What troubles me is that my son has shown himself to be far, far better at sanitizing his language in front of adults, than we are at sanitizing our language in front of him. He appears to be much more sophisticated than he lets on. Hmm.

Throughout all this, whilst his teacher is talking to me, I can't help but notice that The Son is hovering and lurking in the background, trying to eavesdrop and giving me really broad uneasy smiles. He has even forgotten to take off his shoes. His classmate, who has only seen me once, comes all the way up to the gate to get a better look, and I get the full force of a 4 year old's fixed unblinking stare. I guess he must want to see what a person who says "fuck" looks like.

24 Comments:

At 9:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow. i am speechless. i think for the sake of your son, you should obliterate this word from your dictionary altogether when you speak in front of him.

 
At 10:15 PM, Blogger expat@large said...

I think it would be best for the disinfection of his lexicogryphal (?real word) development if you put him in the bomb shelter and never allowed anyone to speak to him until he was eightenn and able to vote for LKY himself...

 
At 10:17 PM, Blogger expat@large said...

@Anon (I think I knew your mother): deleting the word from a dictionary when speaking? You mean from their vocabulary when reading, correct?

 
At 12:58 AM, Blogger Mr. O said...

Smoot I normally don't need help making a fool of myself in public but there you go helping me out. Here I am sitting at the train station on my way to school and I started reading your blog. Well in my amusement at your story I started to laugh and promptly shot the juice I was drinking out my nose. I wiped the juice from my nose and face and wandered to the end of the platform to hide my embarasment.

In retrospect this is hilarious but at the time the only word that I could think of was "FUCK".

 
At 9:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

maybe your son reads your blog secretly :P

 
At 5:38 PM, Blogger Indiana said...

LOL...I can totally see him doing this...and you saying it.

Or were you thinking "fuck" when you saw the friend looking at you.

 
At 1:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kids will learn swear words with or without our help. However as parents, we really should watch what comes out from our mouth, if only to pre-empt them from saying," But you use it too!"

 
At 7:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 10:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Naa ... na na na.. Naa ...na na na.. Naa .. na na na. na na na. na na na Naa.. Here comes the F*#@k Lady .....

Doesn't have quite the same jive as Hot Stepper ... but it could grow on you ... make that your anthem when you walk into your kid's skool the next time!

 
At 8:10 PM, Blogger Olivia said...

Neah...it ain't the end of the world. It' just a little word!

 
At 2:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

O.O Kids say the darnest things... I really am torn between mirth and horror on your behalf...

 
At 3:20 PM, Blogger swallowyen said...

As a psychology graduate, I accept the concept that people are learning knowledge/behaviour through imitation, especially young kids :)

 
At 3:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

nice post. thanks.

 
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