Local Woman's Attempt to Use Murphy's Law to Deliver Baby Not Exactly Working Out

About 9 months ago I wrote about how to harness the power of Murphy's Law to get pregnant, covering the various experiences of some girlfriends.

It occurred to me last weekend I could try to deliver on time using the same method, rather than just sitting around like a hippo gaining 30 - 40 grams a day like I'm currently doing. Perhaps I could get myself into a situation where Murphy's Law would require the waterbag to burst somehow, at the most inappropriate or potentially embarrassing time.

So The Son and I got on the Duckboat for a 45 minute tour of the various construction sites at the Marina waterfront. 50 minutes and S$35 later, we got off the Duckboat, contraction free, water bag still intact. I thought about the Singapore Flyer but that's another S$35 for only 30 minutes. Perhaps we should embark on a 10-day cruise?
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We got the best idea ever after someone rear-ended our (stationery) car 2 days ago. HAVE NO CAR. Better still, send the car to some shyster workshop so that I will have the benefit of the additional stress of GETTING ROYALLY SCREWED WHILST HAVING NO CAR.

I didn't exactly understand what the fuss in the papers about motor workshops was all about, nor the public outrage about the shady dealings of motor workshops, until I read the shyster workshop's papers which they asked me to sign, which explains everything so nicely.

In it I am asked to (and I don't even need to paraphrase this at all) authorise the workshop to:

1. negotiate a settlement with the third party who rear-ended our car as they deem fit;
2. instruct solicitors on my behalf; and
3. appoint a vehicle surveyor on my behalf,

and at my expense.

I also confirm that I only wish to be informed of my case when they are major developments like court attendances and affidavits.

I authorise the car workshop to receive and keep all settlement monies. But if the claim is unsuccessful, I will pay costs incurred by the motor workshop and the opposing party, including legal costs on a full indemnity basis.

I also confirm by signature (in advance!) that I have collected my vehicle and all repairs are satisfactory.

IN EXCHANGE FOR ALL THIS, I get my repairs done.

This, I am being asked to sign, first thing on a Thursday morning. I called a friend who is in this business. He said, did you take a photo of your car before you handed it over. No? Well then they will have a grand old time with the repairs, rack up the bill, the other motorist's insurer could reject the claim and you would end up having to pay the motor workshop, the surveyor and the lawyer out of pocket. Dincha know? Dumbass?

I called the shyster workshop. I want my car back, said I. I don't want you to repair it. We will return the replacement car. Or, I can work with you if you first get me the surveyor's report about the cost of repairs.

But why, they asked. Your husband already agreed to everything yesterday. Also, you must pay us S$80 for the use of the replacement car for 1 day. It will take a month to complete the survey, so you will have to wait. [I'm not a master of the English language myself, but isn't the word "survey" derived from the word "see"? How does it take 1 month to look at the back of my car and write down "replacement of boot door and bumper - S$___". Is the surveyor slowly regaining his eyesight after a terrible accident? Does he need to write the report in all known languages? And in blood? Has my car been moved to Bahrain and he has to walk there? How does it take 1 month to complete a survey?]

So I called the other driver, suggested that perhaps her insurer was the best one to call upon to recommend a workshop. She agreed. I called her insurer. They asked me to ask my own insurer for a recommendation instead, then file a claim.

BUT I DID, said I. We did all the paperwork and went to their recommended workshop, and this is the result. Give me a workshop that YOU trust.

No. Call your own insurer and get onto another workshop. Maybe the next one will be better. We only process claims, which means you have to get the car fixed first.

I wish I had that kind of faith in human nature.

So I called my own insurer and told them what happened. They said if you want to make a complaint about our authorised workshops, you'll have to write in. That's when I finally exploded.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR AUTHORISED WORKSHOP. I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY CAR. IF YOUR WORKSHOP IS SCAMMING PEOPLE LIKE THIS, THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM, THAT'S. YOUR. FUCKING. PROBLEM.

Ok, I didn't say the expletive, but I THOUGHT IT VERY LOUDLY IN MY HEAD. That'll show 'em.

The result of that is, I got put on hold for 5 minutes, after which the guy came back and said someone else will call me back sometime today to, like, discuss or whatever. I thought the insurance company would be just a little bit concerned about something like this happening in their own back yard but I could be wrong.

Still no contractions.