Monday, April 20, 2009

Thanks, Zara!

I would like to thank the person who suggested that I take a trip down to Zara to find a white shirt that is completely white, lace-and-frill-free, buttons up to the neck, has a proper collar and can take in the Uniboob without having a button or two fly across the room when I sit down and exhale.

Basically a white shirt I can wear to Court without shame.

The last time I was in Court, I had not yet acquired this wondrous garment and tried to squeeze everything into a normal-size white shirt and jacket. The shirt got buttoned all right, but every button from the tits down gaped open in a way I can only describe as light on appeal, heavy on horror. When I sat down, the button that closed just at the apex of my belly screamed for mercy and threatened to fly across the courtroom and smack the judge on the forehead, so I had to hold my breath. In an effort to reduce the peepshow, I forced the jacket to button shut. Perhaps that's why my pregnancy belly now looks low slung. It used to be positioned about an inch higher than this. I suspect the baby will be born with a really deep crease on her head.

Anyway, everyone on my left in court could see into the shirt, everyone on the right couldn't. I sat with the judge on my right, looked at him sideways. That was Before-Zara. Now I am free!

Although I suspect that Zara didn't actually intend for their collection of shirts to be maternity-wear. They don't have a maternity wear section. I think the design of this and the other white shirts I saw, which were just as fantastic a fit as this one are actually intended for a range of their non-pregnant customers.

8 Comments:

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in related news, zara sales popped up a gazillion percent in spite of the ongoing economic crisis as hordes of pregnant lawyers descended upon the clothesracks. the spurt may be related to a recent mention in passing by noted blogger (and occasional lawyer) smoot. "thanks, smoot!" said zara succinctly in a statement to the press.

 
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