Friday, February 03, 2006

Hormones Schmormones

It actually seems worse now after I've had a baby. When the PMT hormones hit, I become a demon. A red veil descends and I'm not responsible for my actions thereafter.

Unfortunately the red veil descended yesterday when I was at the (bloody incompetent) hairdresser. Now I don't know whether they were just bloody incompetent or I was just insane. How to complain like that?

I called them days ago to make an appointment. Hair colouring, highlights, the works. They confirm, it's fixed. I called them yesterday, on a hunch, ten minutes before my appointment to reconfirm that I'm on my way. Getting The Works done within the space of a 2-hour lunch break is always tricky. The female voice that picks up the phone whispers.. huh? what appointment? what is your name? there is no appointment...

Undeterred (and without a lunch partner so I'm desperate now), I asked if I could just show up in 10 minutes and would they be able to accommodate. Yes, she said, with a faint smile in her voice, just come. I tell her my name so no imposter with needy hair can sneak in and steal my slot.

So should I have been surprised and disappointed when I show up and no one seems to know what appointment I'm talking about? All I see is an open appointment book with no entries against the timeslot and one blur hairdresser asking another blur hairdresser if she has any recollection of an appointment under this name. Everyone is wide eyed and shaking their heads. It's like moving around underwater. But through the thick fog of ineptitude, they smile and say, never mind, sit down anyway.

After a discussion of what I need done, I ask the all-important question - how long does this take? She scrunches her pretty little brow, looks at my hair and says, one and a half hours. Great! Let's do it!

Two hours later, I ask again. How long more do you need? She scrunches her pretty little brow (it's a different brow, belonging to a different girl) and says, another twenty minutes, at least. The red veil comes down.

YOUR COLLEAGUE TOLD ME ONE AND A HALF HOURS! WHY DID SHE TELL ME THIS IF IT TAKES MORE THAN 2 HOURS! I HAVE A MEETING IN HALF AN HOUR!!!!! AND IT'S NOT IN SUNTEC CITY!!!!

She looks at me, the mouth opens, nothing comes out, she drops the lock of hair she's holding and wanders off. Comes back with the original brow bearer, who says, well, we can try and hurry this up with more heat.

Many hurried movements, more heat and twenty minutes later, my hair is a wet curling mess. My neck has got little brown-dyed spots. I'm sure my ears are brown too but they're hidden. The 2 idiots glance at me in the mirror. I look like a sight with my black face, spotty neck and wet hair with tendrils curling everywhere.

You want us to blow dry straight for you?

WHATZAT? NO !!! CAN'T YOU SEE I HAVE PERMED HAIR? WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BLOW DRY STRAIGHT!!

Oh. Was your perm done a looong time ago [implying that it was so old it was practically straight anyway]

NO. IT WAS DONE JUST OVER A MONTH AGO.

Oh. That's... quite a long time.

Heerggh.

32 Comments:

At 8:59 PM, Blogger valkyrie said...

yaaargh. how horrigible.

want recommendation for trustworthy hair peeps?

 
At 12:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have always offered to cut your hair.

 
At 4:41 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

Val, could you please? I'm so peeved.

 
At 6:52 AM, Blogger gremlin said...

you permed your hair?! I gotta see this. come on. send them. it's the after baby thing though, trust me. makes you insane, livid, perm your hair...that kind of thing. dun worry, no use - coz it won't pass. it stays on and gets worse with each kid. take heart though...you have company :)

 
At 9:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is a reason why she is not letting you see it.

The Guru

 
At 2:08 PM, Blogger gremlin said...

I know you, the guru. You'd send me a pic then, won't ya?

 
At 2:14 PM, Blogger The Guru said...

Who am I, Gremlin? I am who? To know that and you will understand that Impossible is Nothing

 
At 2:24 PM, Blogger Melissa said...

you didn't finish your story!! did you end up going to your meeting? or cancelling at the last minute???

 
At 2:27 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

I went. Refuse to cancel just because some 12-year old hairdresser screwed up. The hair was dry and I looked almost normal by the time I got there except for the lovely brown spots on my neck.

I know who The Guru is.

 
At 2:53 PM, Blogger The Guru said...

The Guru knows all but not all knows The Guru.

 
At 3:15 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

All right then, Mr Guru know all.

One of my friends hasn't had a bowel movement in a week. Any idea when she'll be having her next bowel movement?

 
At 3:19 PM, Blogger The Guru said...

Tell me what he/she has been eating and will be eating and I will give the answer to your question.

 
At 3:29 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

I thought you would know...

 
At 3:35 PM, Blogger The Guru said...

When you go to the Guru, you have to offer something as a sign of your sincerity.

There is no free lunch in this world.

You reap what you sow.

 
At 4:21 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

Well okay, I've left a little suckling pig offering for you downstairs at my office in case you didn't know already.

So tell me. What did she eat last week, what will she eat next week and when is her next bowel movement?

 
At 4:47 PM, Blogger The Guru said...

You sow pigs, you will get pigs. Not answers to your question, O Hairy One.

You reap what you sow.
You dont let a fishing line into the river/sea to hunt a wild boar.

 
At 5:04 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

Oh I understand. You really are too clever.

Since my question relates to a bowel movement, should I leave a roasted turd for you downstairs instead?

 
At 5:12 PM, Blogger The Guru said...

Since the real subject is your friend, it will be much better if you leave your friend there instead.

I prefer the meat steamed. Nothing oily. Oil clouts the brain and my thoughts and the fire from roasting creates too much heat/negative energy.

 
At 6:48 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

What a relief. And here I was thinking I had an asshat commenting in my blog. Could I have been more wrong?

 
At 8:36 PM, Blogger The Guru said...

Its the New Year. Postive Energy. Postive Energy. Focus on the positive.

 
At 11:27 PM, Blogger valkyrie said...

hiak hiak. so this is where the guru first began his nonsense.

HD: me can send you details of two hair peeps i always use (one expensive, one value-for-moolah). i go to the expensive one for cutting and styling only, and go to the other for more complex treatments. bad thing is, they're both not in suntec. they're in pacific plaza and far east plaza respectively. still want?

 
At 9:46 AM, Blogger The Guru said...

Guru has no nonsense. He who has ears let him hear.

 
At 9:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well one should never plan to do anything that requires more than an hour during lunch ...(even if you have a 2-hour lunch break)

You know Murphy! He rears his head every chance he gets!

G

 
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