Local Woman's Devious Plans Foiled by Local Toddler's Devious Plans

I've probably spent about an hour in total reading up on childcare manuals over the last 2.75 years. It's a combination of female machismo ("It's my kid, I should instinctively know how to raise him") and the fact that his main care-giver (my Filipino maid) has 2 kids back home and can quietly undo all my mistakes while I am at work. Like the one time she threw away all the expired fever medication I had carefully accumulated through the years. Who knew fever medication could expire?

Anyway.

Yesterday I finished reading this super cool book I picked up at Kinokuniya's (The Secret Mother's Club, by Joanne Fedler) and although it's mostly fiction(ish) it did have a great tip for potty-training a male toddler. Why didn't I think of it before? BRIBES.

So it came to pass that the Husband and I ran out to the store on a Saturday evening and bought a little box full of toy cars. S$16.90 for 25 little Matchbox cars - works out to about 70 cents per car. Then we came home and informed The Son that if you need to pee, just pee in the potty and you will get a present! a surprise! a reward!

Then we set up the potty, perched The Son on it and he obligingly squeezed out 2 drops of pee for the rather breathless parental audience. There are cheers, whistles, hi-fives and a standing ovation culminating in a prize-presentation ceremony where The Son is presented with a single brand new Matchbox car which gleams as it basks in the glow of our collective achievements. He is overjoyed, we are overjoyed - this is a cinch!!!! Why do people have to write so many books about potty-training? Just open a toy-store, call it "POTTY TRAINING".

The entire family retires for a well-earned good night's sleep. That was yesterday.

By the time I wake up this morning, the loophole in our rather devious plan has been found and is being ruthlessly exploited. The Son keeps asking for a new car. This time he even specifies the colour of the car he wants. Then he runs to the potty while ripping his diaper off, squeezes out 2 drops of pee (I notice the diaper is still being well utilised for the serious peeing) and then demands another car.

It's only 11 am now, and he already has 5 cars. He's stopped wearing his shorts - he wants just the diaper to facilitate easy removal. He's watching us very very closely to see where we go to get the new cars and it's just a matter of time (minutes?) before he finds the motherlode. I am a broken woman.

Someday my son will stand in a car showroom, staring at all the gorgeous new cars that he wants to buy, and he will wonder why he has the overwhelming urge to rip his pants off and pee into a pot.