Oh Jesus

So we've been trying to sell our house for a few months, and only (well, mostly) because The Mother wants us to move across the island and live opposite her house, so she can be closer to the grandkids. I'm sure that, 48 hours after we do move in and she receives the full blast of her grandchildren, she will be begging us to move again.

Anyway. I've always found property agents to be a little, just a little bit, fanatical about, of all things, God, but I believe the one that I have may just put them all to shame. For one thing, she keeps sending me text messages about her achievements. I can't say that I've kept them all but the latest one just poked me in the eye a little too hard, so I kept it just to show The Husband.

It goes something like this:

"Millions of thanks for your support n recommendations! I just received [agency name] Top 50 Achievers Award No. ___ position. [Agency] will publish in Straits Times and Lian He Zao Bao tomorrow full page full colour. All glory and honour to my Lord Jesus Christ! Yours sincerely [Agent's name] Serving with gratitude and thankfulness."

Maybe it's just my ignorance speaking but what about everyone else - did she mean to say that God didn't find them a similar spot in the top 50 because she was preferred? It's just like that big signboard I saw some time ago at Newton Circus, which said "100% units sold THANKS BE TO GOD". Does God sell real estate? Did he line up with the rest of the agents with a bunch of brochures to sell sell sell?

It reminds me of the contestants on American Idol as well who ask God to help them get to Hollywood. It doesn't so much glorify religion as it trivialises it. God is not your personal bitch. He should not be selling real estate. He should not be asked to sell real estate. Just as I try not to bother him with getting my clients to pay their invoices on time. If they don't pay, then I sort it out myself. I do not get down on my knees and ask the Lord of all Creation to make sure that Client X takes note of our 30-day credit period and also to make sure that when Client Y pays by telegraphic transfer, they make sure to add on the S$20 bank charge. It's just... not done.

Also, what bothers me about that text is that it has more than the usual "holier than thou" one-two sucker punch to it. It makes everyone else look like bloody idol-worshipping heathens for not EXALTING enough. For not collapsing on their knees immediately in a semi-conscious rambling state so as to IMMEDIATELY thank God for smiting all the other estate agents and making them non-top 50 so that she could be amongst the top 50. I wonder what the Top 10 are like. I'm sure if she made Top 10, she would be dragging some kind of live animal to the church altar.