Monday, June 19, 2006

I hate to remind you again, but when are we having lunch with Adele?

It's not a crush that girls have on other girls. Adele brings me great joy. I'd like to meet her again. You know who you are - can you please fix lunch?

We all have our specialist practice areas. A friend of mine specialises in dating pale slim Chinese women with rather flat faces and very sparse eyebrows. I referred to them as "Hello Kitty" faces once - ok, more than once - and I think he's still mad. I spoke with him once before a rather formal get-together and he was in a foul temper.

I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel, says he. I've just had my date cancel last minute and no one is available except Adele.

Who's Adele?

She's this very pretty girl. Great bod. Pretty face. Nice hair. Dumb as dogshit.

What's the problem with that?

You'll know. We'll sit with you.

And so it came to pass that I ended up sitting in a tight little group with Adele and my smirking friend. And by "tight little group" I mean not enough people to start an alternative conversation with. It was terrifying. It was clear from the get-go that her world revolved around a single axis, and that axis had "ADELE" inscripted in bold and uppercase, underlined twice. There was no topic too remote that could not be gently led back to the topic of herself, there was no other topic that she would prefer to discuss and I tried my best, but it was like trying to steer a headless chicken with a rocket jammed up its tight little ass.

I think at one point we were actually discuss politics, something about which I could not be less interested but nonetheless I was tired of talking about Adele and her drinking and partying. Then it switched to someone knowing someone else in the "biblical sense". Adele avidly watched the 2 people talking, her eyes switching from one to the other like she was enjoying a tennis match.

Bible? she finally cut in. I'm not religious. I just like to drink.

18 Comments:

At 1:36 PM, Blogger Minx said...

This comment probably belongs to your lightning rod post, but you probably won't read it there, so... I saw the lightning rod, Xmas lights and all! Went to my brother's place for dinner on Sat night and there was the hideous rod! You aren't the only one upset about it - my brother and sis-in-law are upset too... wouldn't be surprised if the whole neighbourhood is upset. G Villas right? We are almost neighbours. I stay just 5 min walk away...

 
At 1:53 PM, Blogger Fore! said...

Can you NOT use people's real names? What if she comes across your blog?

 
At 2:18 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

Ok noted. But who would own up to "dumb as dogshit"?

Minx: Howdy neighbour! Actually everyone would be up in arms about the lightning rod but for the fact that there are some other really odd people also living in the estate. Like the one who gardens at 3 am in the morning. Or the one who replaced the windows with steel walls (Rapunzel's father?). But it is really frustrating to see the stupid lightning rod.

 
At 4:08 PM, Blogger gremlin said...

I would. I'd rather be dumb as dogshit anyday than smartass-ugly-like-shit.

 
At 5:01 PM, Anonymous Not Adele said...

I answer to "smartass-ugly-like-shit" all the time because I'm dumb as dogshit.

 
At 5:02 PM, Blogger expat@large said...

(that was me)

 
At 10:42 AM, Blogger gremlin said...

expat@large - you look like you have both brawn and brains. [read: just gimme your salt and pepper shaker lah!]

 
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