Monday, May 29, 2006

McTurnip

Someone very kindly gave me a cookbook as a gift. The Silver Spoon. It weighs more than my Son and it's got a recipe for cooking every possible thing imaginable, including brain (which I love). I also read in it yesterday the directions for killing snails to make escargot. "Requires a level of ruthlessness which not many people are capable of", said the book. Suitably challenged, I read the directions and realised that I'm probably lack the mental fortitude for killing a snail the Silver Spoon way. Apparantly you don't just step on it. The whole procedure takes about 48 hours, and involves salt, vinegar, a box, a darkened cellar and your bare hands. Substitute "Silver Spoon" for "50 ways to dispose of your foe" and the directions may not change very much.

But I digress. I tried making vegetable stock yesterday and blew away about S$6 worth of vegetables for about 5 cups of stock. Plus all the scolding I got for misusing a bangkwang. Apparantly I have not managed to surmount the language barrier at the wet market as well as I thought. By "surmount the language barrier" I mean still speaking in English at the Chinese-helicopter-vegetable-seller, but increasing the volume. So instead of saying "Can you get me a turnip", I'll say "TURNIP! TURNIP! TURNIP! TURNIP!" Have been doing this for the pork and the fish and the chicken, and so far it works. Maybe because shouting "PORK! PORK! PORK!" at the pork-seller could only possibly produce one resulting product. But anyway.

So the vegie-seller hands me a root vegetable in response to "TURNIP! TURNIP! TURNIP! TURNIP!" and takes my S$1. Then I get home and it's actually a bangkwang. "Why didn't you ask me?" says my mother's maid. "Why didn't you ask me?" says my mother. Why should I, when I can ask the man who is actually selling the vegetables? Is he not a higher authority on this issue? But my point is not accepted. The whole time the vegetables are boiling, all I hear is "Why didn't you ask me?" "Why didn't you ask me?" "Why didn't you ask me?" Almost felt like testing out the snail recipe.

33 Comments:

At 12:37 PM, Anonymous kierra said...

i rather go eat my nissin cup noodle.

 
At 1:31 PM, Blogger eyes said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 1:33 PM, Blogger eyes said...

There is apparently a quicker way to kill snails. Literally boil them to death. Method and cooking instructions found here

 
At 1:42 PM, Blogger gremlin said...

apparently slow deaths result in yummier meat coz of all the adrenalin released thru the torture. mebbe applies to snails too. you do it to us everyday jaffar. can't be difficult with snails - just be yourself with them over lunch - that'd beat vinegar and salt anytime :)

 
At 3:26 PM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

Strangely enough my sister recommended that I put some MSG to make the vegetable stock taste nicer. Sigh.

I'd prefer hunting the snails down myself (fresher that way) but the husband has a bad habit of stepping on them before I can get to them. You could say he leaves a snail-trail of destruction in his wake.

Gremlin, you just kill me sometimes, you're so funny. How's the new vagina coming along?

 
At 5:15 PM, Blogger Cobalt Paladin said...

Maybe it is a blessing that I don't know you personally... especially now you know 50 ways of killing...

From 50 ways of fine cooking, you can make it into 50 ways of disposing your foe...

* shudder *

 
At 10:14 AM, Blogger gremlin said...

new one's fine. how's your only one doing? not much I gather ;p

 
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