Hormones Schmormones

It actually seems worse now after I've had a baby. When the PMT hormones hit, I become a demon. A red veil descends and I'm not responsible for my actions thereafter.

Unfortunately the red veil descended yesterday when I was at the (bloody incompetent) hairdresser. Now I don't know whether they were just bloody incompetent or I was just insane. How to complain like that?

I called them days ago to make an appointment. Hair colouring, highlights, the works. They confirm, it's fixed. I called them yesterday, on a hunch, ten minutes before my appointment to reconfirm that I'm on my way. Getting The Works done within the space of a 2-hour lunch break is always tricky. The female voice that picks up the phone whispers.. huh? what appointment? what is your name? there is no appointment...

Undeterred (and without a lunch partner so I'm desperate now), I asked if I could just show up in 10 minutes and would they be able to accommodate. Yes, she said, with a faint smile in her voice, just come. I tell her my name so no imposter with needy hair can sneak in and steal my slot.

So should I have been surprised and disappointed when I show up and no one seems to know what appointment I'm talking about? All I see is an open appointment book with no entries against the timeslot and one blur hairdresser asking another blur hairdresser if she has any recollection of an appointment under this name. Everyone is wide eyed and shaking their heads. It's like moving around underwater. But through the thick fog of ineptitude, they smile and say, never mind, sit down anyway.

After a discussion of what I need done, I ask the all-important question - how long does this take? She scrunches her pretty little brow, looks at my hair and says, one and a half hours. Great! Let's do it!

Two hours later, I ask again. How long more do you need? She scrunches her pretty little brow (it's a different brow, belonging to a different girl) and says, another twenty minutes, at least. The red veil comes down.

YOUR COLLEAGUE TOLD ME ONE AND A HALF HOURS! WHY DID SHE TELL ME THIS IF IT TAKES MORE THAN 2 HOURS! I HAVE A MEETING IN HALF AN HOUR!!!!! AND IT'S NOT IN SUNTEC CITY!!!!

She looks at me, the mouth opens, nothing comes out, she drops the lock of hair she's holding and wanders off. Comes back with the original brow bearer, who says, well, we can try and hurry this up with more heat.

Many hurried movements, more heat and twenty minutes later, my hair is a wet curling mess. My neck has got little brown-dyed spots. I'm sure my ears are brown too but they're hidden. The 2 idiots glance at me in the mirror. I look like a sight with my black face, spotty neck and wet hair with tendrils curling everywhere.

You want us to blow dry straight for you?

WHATZAT? NO !!! CAN'T YOU SEE I HAVE PERMED HAIR? WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BLOW DRY STRAIGHT!!

Oh. Was your perm done a looong time ago [implying that it was so old it was practically straight anyway]

NO. IT WAS DONE JUST OVER A MONTH AGO.

Oh. That's... quite a long time.

Heerggh.