Monday, December 19, 2005

Maybe she really does live on another planet

Maybe it's the age-old cliche about mothers and daughters coming true. And maybe every family has got exactly the same issues, but they manage to keep the blood in their heads from seeping out. If so, then kudos to them.

I just spent some time over the weekend with my mother. Actually it was no more than 6 hours, most of which she was doing her own thing. It was more like 15 minutes of concentrated mother, but I swear my blood pressure has gone through the roof. Let me go get a cigarette before I pass out just thinking about it.

Yes. Back and slightly calmer now.

A friend of mine recently said in a comment to a previous moaning and complaining about mother post, that my mother is not as bad as her mother. Maybe. But I'd put some serious money on that. You have not had to deal with her unusual spending habits.

Just late last week, she wanted to buy a house. Not a dollhouse or a Father Christmas marzipan house. But an entire freaking house. Why? Because she likes the house.

"But you already HAVE a house" (me)

"Yes, but this one is nice" (ma)

"But you will have problems paying for it. You will be in an incredibly tight financial situation." (me)

"Yes, I want to tell you that I will be having problems paying for the house, and that I will be in a very tight financial situation. I want you to understand that" (ma)

"OF COURSE I UNDERSTAND. I JUST TOLD YOU THAT. WHY WOULD I TELL YOU THAT IF I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND?" (me, with blood coming out of my eyes and nose)

"Anyway, I'd like you to sign a personal guarantee so that I can buy this house. Don't worry, the bank says it's just a formality. They have very nice officers there. I'll send it over to you. You better sign it."

How can I say no? She's my mother. How can I say no? And yet, ironically, she's the one that put me through law school, so that even when I'm signing the damn personal guarantee, I'll know through countless other client's bitter experiences that the nice bank officers won't be the ones that'll instruct their lawyers to bankrupt me, it'll be the other bank officers at the enforcement end. And they don't care what the "nice bank officers" said because there will be a clause in the bank guarantee stipulating that the terms of the guarantee override anything said by anyone at the bank, especially the nice officers.

I don't even have to go to law school for that. Any child who understands the meaning of the word "personal guarantee" will know exactly the horrifying burden that entails. Because the bank never lets go of the personal guarantees until the mortgage is discharged. And even then, they don't usually return them, they just file them away in case the discharge of mortgage was not effective.

The only way out is for me to buy guarantee insurance. Or whatever it is. I better start looking.

17 Comments:

At 2:23 PM, Blogger MercerMachine said...

now you tell me. I ask last night, you know?

 
At 5:00 AM, Anonymous lilacs out of the dead land said...

rotflmao. oh dear. shouldn't laugh actually, that's not funny, it's just that you always have such an entertaining way of describing these things :) "personal guarantee" is the sort of phrase that makes me nervous... :} :)

seriously, you haven't heard me bitch about mater dearest in a long time but trust me, the crap never stops being crappy :) my only advantage is that i'm a bit further away and harder for her to get at nowadays, so my stress is somewhat reduced, but believe me, she still knows how to push my buttons when she wants to!!!! :| :\ :} :) you have my full sympathy and moral support in this arena!! :)))

 
At 10:17 AM, Blogger HairyDonut said...

You think it's a mother daughter thing? I don't see my brother being driven insane like this.

 
At 5:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

your mom's COOL!

 
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