Microwave Disaster Traced Back To Local Woman's Inability To Distinguish Between One Minute and Nine Minutes

Office microwaves should be banned. They encourage people who would otherwise not interface with these complex non-intuitive and office harmony-destroying machines to lull themselves into the false hope that they can heat up their own food.

Following previous incidents, I am dismayed to discover that my colleagues will literally sneak up to the microwave after I have pressed the start button and returned to my office, to re-plate or re-utensilise whatever it is I have placed inside the microwave oven. I just tried to heat up my home cooked American-style mac and cheese, only to return some time later to see that the bowl that I use has now been covered by a plate, the food appears to have been redistributed in the bowl to increase surface area and the timing for the microwave has been shortened. I look around the office, but can't see who it is who did all this since no one is making eye contact.

Am starting to wonder if my anonymous Christmas gift from the office (a bowl specifically suited for use in the microwave oven) was supposed to mean something more than "hope you have a merry Christmas".