Help

So Chinese New Year is coming around again, and I wish my problems were a little bit more mundane, like worrying about relatives who ask me when am I going to have my third child (can't! am still working on the 2nd one!) or how much to put into the ang pows this year (actually, everyone is only getting S$2 regardless of age, sex and how inclined I might be feeling about them).

The problem is I don't actually know my relatives' names. I have a stack of relatives on my mother's side who are all Ah This and Ah That, but that's not really the name on their NRIC or birth certificate. In fact, some of them are working in the Central Business District too, and I could well have dealings with them at work, but how the hell would I know, since "Ah Ter" and "Ah Kow" do not appear as part of their email addresses. Some of them have more elaborate names, like Youngest Uncle, Number Three Aunt and Seventh Sibling of My Grandfather. These titles are even less helpful to me in deciphering their real names.

Of course asking them for their names, namecards or passports could be an option at this point, but I believe some of them may already suspect that I don't know their names, ever since one of them got married, invited me to his wedding, and I walked right past him at the reception after just saying "hi!". Actually I had him confused with another relative when I received the wedding invitation, one whom I believed at that point in time was already married with children.

His sister's wedding is coming up in 2 days' time. At least, I think it is his sister who is getting married. As always, I will greet everyone with "hi!" and hope for the best.

I know at least 1 person who might read this post will suggest that I kill them all and read their names off the obituaries. THAT'S NOT HELPFUL.