Global Best Practices

I'd like to think that a fair part of my life has been spent doing something that will, ultimately, leave behind more than just piles of paper in little manila files which will be incinerated after 8 years.

Dream on, woman.

But one thing that I have achieved, which I will now set down in writing (and free!) for the Good of All Mankind, is the knowledge of the Global Best Practices in Twix. Twix chocolate bars, one of the products of the good corporate citizen Mars, Inc. I have accumulated a good many years of experience in Twix and I can now safely say that I could be THE leading global authority on Twix. All your burning questions re Twix will be answered right here, right now.

Question 1: What is the difference between Twix bars in US and UK?

Twix bars sold in the US are far too sweet. A mouthful of sugar with every bite, or as my Math teacher used to say when reading our answer scrips, "Stops your heart first thing in the morning". The cookie and the caramel are also not cohesive - the taste does not meld together with the chocolate into one delightful crescendo in your mouth. It's as though all the separate ingredients are calling out "Look at me! Look at me!", and your tongue gets all confused. Kind of like drinking tea and coca-cola all at the same time. There is also a slight hint of puke flavour which sometimes happens when you put together too many dairy ingredients into 1 product.

The UK Twix, on the other hand, is a masterpiece of construction. The cookie, caramel and chocolate flavours blend harmoniously on the palate. Nibbled separately, they taste only passable but somehow everything just works wonderfully when you're chewing them together. It's a modern day miracle! Personally I find it incredibly difficult to eat the UK Twix mini-bar because I just end up with a table full of open wrappers and chocolate crumbs that I have to sweep into the dustbin. It's much less disruptive to work flow (typing, reading, telephone) if I just go straight for the regular sized bar and finish that.

Once during a long car trip from London to SomeSmallTown, we were down to a couple of Twix bars belonging to a travel companion that she simply refused to share. Not even a single bite. Things almost got ugly and I told myself it would never happen to me again. Or if it did, I'll be the one holding the Twix bar with Twix all over my face and hands, refusing to share with anyone.

Question 2: Why is Twix not popular in Singapore?

The answer to that is almost self-explanatory. You can buy Twix anywhere in Singapore - in the petrol station, any supermarket, even at the mama store. But nobody wants to. The answer is simple. Just try a Twix bar purchased in Singapore. Did the chocolate crumble in your mouth and in your hands? Do you have dry chocolate crumbs all over your lap? Did the caramel taste like sick-up? Did the cookie bend or break? and then crumble? Do you now wish you spent that dollar on a Hershey bar?

Question 3: What is the best Twix on Earth?

It's a close fight between European Twix and UK Twix. Both are creamy, not too sweet and the taste blends marvelously in your mouth (I am allowed to repeat myself - it's my blog). Right now I can't decide. If I ever do, you'll be the first to know.

Question 4: Have you given any thought to providing this valuable feedback to the Mars corporation?

Yes, I sent them a complaint letter in 1997, with my detailed views per above and on the disappointing cream content of their made-for-Singapore Twix bars which are actually manufactured in Australia. They responded with a very nice letter (which I still have somewhere) which mentioned a hamper of Mars products coming my way. Unfortunately this was never received. I believe they did send it, but it may have been, uh, intercepted by the receptionists of a previous firm. Although I've held the grudge up till now (her name is Leslie and I'm sure she's still got the extra hip fat from eating my chocolates), I've never really been all that upset about it because upon further consideration, it would've meant that I'd just be eating more crumbly Singapore Twix bars (accompanied by a moral obligation to finish them since they were a gift from that nice company).

Final Question: Aside from Twix, what else is good?

Lion bars. UK Lion bars. A friend back from London once misunderstood my repeated requests for TWIX TWIX TWIX and bought me Lion bars. I was very angry until I ate one of the Lion bars and was pleasantly surprised. The only difference between a Lion bar and a Twix is that the cookie is replaced with rice crispies. The result is a lighter, fluffier taste, less sweet, but without the oomph that the cookie imparts to the palate. Like sipping Pepsi when you're expecting Coke - your taste buds are looking for that extra taste-note at the end which is just not there. But it's still satisfying.