Had lunch today with an old friend who is looking to settle down with his 26-year old girlfriend. He was very excited about a great deal he just negotiated on a 1.1 carat Lazare diamond engagement ring. He's also moving to Hong Kong as an expatriate with a great new job, and flying to New York for a 2-month training stint.
I was very happy for him. But also troubled. I've met the girlfriend. I cannot wholeheartedly congratulate him on his upcoming engagement (coz if he asks her, she will definitely say yes) without giving him some heartfelt advice.
It's like, sometimes you see someone heading towards the edge of a cliff, and they don't really see the danger. Or maybe they do, but they think it's a little cliff.
Do you say something? Do you keep your mouth shut? It's not my business or my problem.
The last time I did this, I got blasted by the person in question. Why didn't you say something, he asked me. Why did you let me work at [ ___ ] and not tell me what I was in for? Well, you were so happy, I said. Didn't want to ruin it. After all, you would have found out for yourself soon enough anyway. Like within the first 48 hours.
Anyway, I gave him my view. Hold on, man. Don't ask her to marry you yet. Wait a few months. Please.
Why? What do you think is wrong with the relationship?
It's the ... dynamic. You have a very unusual dynamic between the both of you.
What dynamic? You can just tell me frankly, you know.
Well. It's quite simple. You give. She takes. What's hers is hers. What's yours is hers. And you're not even engaged yet. What do you think life's going to be like when you're married?
He looked sad and said that he already knew that. I felt really bad and just shut up and ate my food. His other friend arrived to join us for lunch and my friend asked him what he thought of the engagement.
Well man, I think she's a sweet girl. Smart. Kind of young. Very ambitious.
Do you think she asks a lot from me?
Well you know there are some women who are so wonderful and so fantastic that you would do anything for them, just to be with them. Like Helen of Troy. So if you meet someone like that, then it really doesn't matter what she asks from you. You should give in to her if you really love her.
So you think I should go ahead and ask her to marry me?
I don't know man. I mean, if it were me and she was so demanding, I'd have a hard time with it. I'd probably say to her, that considering all the things she is demanding from me, she'd have to be at least 3 or 4 times prettier for me to give in.
[I almost fell out of my chair laughing. Also snorted some aerated mineral water by accident.]
But this woman is really scary. Not only is he paying for her trip to NY to visit him, she wants a business class ticket. And for him to pay for her shopping when she's there. The best part is, right now she actually earns more than he does. Last night she had a huge fight with him because she wanted him to bear more of the household expenses (they live together). He currently pays about 80% and the proposed revision moves it up to ... 90%. All this when he's actually not going to be part of the household for the next 2 months since he'll be away bearing 100% of his personal expenses in NY. Who in the world gets to enjoy 100% of an apartment in Singapore at only 10% of the expense? Poor man was in the shower after working till midnight when she sprung this on him. Shit like this he really doesn't need.
Her name really should be WANTWANT. In upper case. Too bad the trademark is taken up by some random Japanese cracker, because there's a ready market of women who are just like this.
I find that this sort of wantwantism isn't all that uncommon amongst a certain class of women in Singapore.
ReplyDeleteI also find that bit where the friend requires a certain level of looks to justify the price being paid... like any other business transaction.
At the end of the day, it all boils down to economics, no?
That never occurred to me. He just came across as rather idealistic, especially the reference to Helen of Troy. I put it down to cultural differences (he's Ameri-Asian).
ReplyDeleteI hope you realise that within 5 years after YOU graduate, you'll be a prime target for WANTWANTs. In fact, every guy you know in law school is a WANTWANT target. Because in 5 years, if you're real careful about the way you manage your career, you could own a house full of gadgets and a sportscar and still have money to burn at fancy restaurants and pubs and holidays.
And it doesn't matter what kind of honours you graduate in (unless it's a 3rd). In which case you'll need about 7 years.
lol, thanks for the advice... but I really do have a very good wantwantdar. I can spot them from a mile away and avoid them like the plague.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I'm sure you can then imagine the paucity of female company I have.
Besides, I'm a geek, one of those guys who's talks about geeky stuff like Serenity and Firefly and Neil Gaiman books and sci-fi stuff. I doubt even wantwants would be willing to put up with that for money.
Then again, what few female friends I do have, are good-hearted non-wantwant people.
I refuse to pay money for love, and equally refuse to be treated like a human ATM machine.
Unless its my parents or my kids, cos I know how good my parents have been to me. heh.
Geee ....... I seem to get all these WANTWANTS all the farkin time! So yeah my WANT WANT DAR has been installed and primed.
ReplyDeleteG
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